sons addiction

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sons addiction

Unread postby lovingdad » Thu Jan 19, 2017 8:29 am

40 year old single son lives with mother in another state hundreds of miles away. addicted to prescription pain meds for several back surgeries and now possibly street drugs as well. does not work, lives on ssd and has some minor mental issues from horrific accident 20 years ago. our relationship is very weak and fading more all the time. doesn't return calls, messages etc. just started NA meetings and now is ready to talk to me again. what can I do and Say?

Re: sons addiction

Unread postby snooper » Wed Mar 15, 2017 11:02 am

My son doesn't have a drug problem (I'm on this board bc of my niece), but had severe depression, when my husband and I split he shut off contact with his dad (at age 14) for more than 2 years. (I left bc my husband and I had a very volatile relationship, and my son held him accountable for that, perhaps unfairly). Anyway, what I've learned from several years of therapy and learning how to parent (finally), I think you should just try to be there for your son emotionally, as much as you can. If he's reaching out, take every opportunity to respond. You can also reach out, leave the door open, which is what my husband did, he finally realized that getting angry at my son's non-responsiveness was making things worse, he instead would text or leave encouraging voice mails, sometimes joking, sometimes serious, making sure my son knew his dad loved him no matter what. let your son know you're willing to rebuild a relationship with him.

Eventually,as my son has matured (he's 18-1/2 now) he's been able to put things in perspective and has a much better relationship with him now. I know this isn't very similar to your situation since you have an adult son, but the fact that he's trying is HUGE and you should do whatever you can to be there and be positive. Also I would recommend the book Daring Greatly by Brenee Brown. Good luck, your son is giving you a chance to reengage, even from a distance its possible.
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