by rgg24 » Thu Mar 15, 2018 10:24 am
The only way I know to stay clean is to surrender. I know this sounds like losing but the reality is that we MUST surrender to WIN. The paradox of the program. Next get to a meeting let people know that you are struggling and ask for help. Sounds complated but it's the only way in the begining. I know I had 20 years at one time and relapsed had to go back to rehab detoxed and stayed for the program. I was just going to detox but that never worked for me before. I also had a stash of pain killers at home and had to let my wife know to throw them out. My second surrender the first was staying for the program. The third was continuing with outpatient treatment. I am still in GOP. The first time I tried to get clean I was in 13 detoxes in the last year. I never went into a program. Until the 13th detox a counsler was doing group and he asked me was I ready to be honest with him. I said yes I would tell him what ever he wanted. He said great. Then he asked was I ready to be openminded to take suggestions. I replied Yes. Then he asked was I ready to be willing to do what ever I needed to stay clean. I said yes again. He then said thas great I will sign you up for rehab and my reply was I don't know if I am that willing. Then he hit me with the fact I had been in so many detoxes and was living on the streets. It's time to get clean. That day has always stuck me. This last time I had many people in the program who would call me to draw me back. After a year I stopped answering their calls. I wanted to get on.Well now I suffer from diabetic neuropathy in my feet and hands. I hope you don't have to go this far. I'm 62 years old in pain but pain killers are not the awswer, and neither is dope. The only way I know is the fellowishp on NA. I wish you all the best that life has to offer and hope you get the help you need and deserve!!!!!!!!!
BG