by frankiefixescomputers » Tue Oct 16, 2007 7:32 am
It is said that when somebody else acts, and I cannot control my feelings over that, that I am Co-Dependant. This note that you wrote, in a nutshell, spells out how those who voluntarily involve themselves with people in addiction are deeply disturbed and need some help too. Unless a man is in a cell with another, or is in some simular circumstance, it is voluntary interaction. The fact that we can become so negative, that we can become so charged with reaction all the while blaming others for our feelings is a sickness that in a perverse way, attracts us to other people in their addiction. We who are Co-Dependant, usually beg or comand. We rarely just walk away from what is unhealthy. Instead, we put ourselves in a position to cure the other person where other medical or spiritual treatments have failed in their lives. in short, we tend to step into the lions mouth, and then complain when he starts knashing his teeth! It is true that we all get screwed by people from time to time. They even outright lie, cheat, beg, borrow, manipulate, and steal! But wouldn't a healthy person be able to draw a line and then say goodbye when the person steps over it? You sound as if more than one of your lines has been steped over. while your feelings are valid, they are probably a healthy response to what you have been through, just look at how much you have put yourself through to feel so wroth! And if just crossing the line once has put you in such apathy, how lonely you must feel when any one of a hundred people tries to make friends with you. I learn to let go of people with love and understanding before I get a consuming negativity becuase I feel better all through the day. That allows me to have some peace of mind. I forgive while there is still not much to forgive because a deep resentment is like a wet blanket that can soak you down to the bone. I look at sick people like they are sick. As I discover that a man has cancer, I realize that only the cancer doctor can fix him, and I don't look at him as if he can sure himself of it either. I view the alcoholic and addict the same way. That if they aren't applying the medecine to treat their condition, they are not going to get better. For with the training to deal with and treat the sick comes the training to deal with your reaction to their illness. My reaction to other peoples problems are in direct proportion to my ability to help them with it. Just because somebody isn't well, it doesn't mean that I have to expose myself to their disease. Especially if I do not possess the ability to deal with it! May the peace of God find you my friend.