My darkest hour

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My darkest hour

Unread postby running2survive » Sat Oct 27, 2007 7:52 pm

I'm just going to be honest (that would be a first). I met the love of my life and I lost him yesterday due to my drinking and acting like a jerk. This wouldn't be the first time a relationship has ended because of my drinking. But this one hurts bad. I forgot to mention I was an alcoholic but I think he gets it now. I forgot to ask for help and non magically came for me.
I watched and listened to a grown man cry and fall apart because of my drinking. I told him I hated him, called him every name in the book etc. I thought I could beat this but what a foolish thought. I started looking back and realized that every crappy moment I had (i.e. divore, job ending, friend disappearing, every great day ending in utter despair) was all from me drinking. I've lied to everyone about my drinking, they just think that I turn into a jerk and never want to come around me again. They have no idea it's me drinking and cannot control it. I have no friends left, trying to hold on to a job which happens to be the best job I've ever had. I'm scared out of mind.
You know, it's a amazing, if I took alcohol out of my equation, I would have a blessed life. Just that easy. NOT!!! I feel destroyed over the people I've hurt including myself. What a rotten way to go through life, living on the edge. To know that a liquid substance owns you and won't stop until you're dead.
I'm going to AA in the morning, this is my first day sober. My track hasn't been good so my hope is very shaky. I haven't wanted to die in a long time but today is a different story. I was afraid to sleep today for fear of dying, my pain is all I have left in this world, it's not very good company.
running2survive
 

Re: My darkest hour

Unread postby Guest » Sun Oct 28, 2007 5:27 am

Don't give up!!! Even if your track hasn't been good so far, today is a new day. A day where you can start again. You can get your life back today, and you deserve it. Fight your battle, fight it fair and honest. We're here to help you.
Guest
 

Re: My darkest hour

Unread postby guest » Sun Oct 28, 2007 9:08 am

Wow! Your honesty touched me. Getting sober is not easy, but it is so worth it. Keep talking to people. Ask for help. Talk to a good therapist who will help to motivate you. There is definitely hope!! All the best.
guest
 

Re: My darkest hour

Unread postby mike03 » Sat Nov 03, 2007 1:23 pm

Don't beat yourself up darkest at least you made it to recovery, you lived the best way you could
with the tools that you had, now you can learn a new way to live without the alcohol one day at a time.Keep coming back
mike03
 

Re: My darkest hour

Unread postby Dorth » Tue Nov 13, 2007 9:43 pm

:roll: It is so easy to feel the darkest hour and I have had so many dark days while I was drinking. Tonight, I realize my health problems render me powerless. I confused helpless and powerless, thus they are different and to know the difference is real strength. I searched for liquid courage and it took my physical pain away and I could walk better for awhile. At night it would take me to the darkest of self pity and rage at most who struggled same as I to accept being humaness. I know that despite my legs not working and being in severe pain, most everyday I have the power to help myself and use my gift of healing.
I heal myself and others.
No matter what just find one thing to live for and one reason not to destroy your life.
Choose it, life I mean.
dd
Dorth
 


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