Scared confused and ready

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Scared confused and ready

Unread postby Newb » Wed Dec 05, 2007 6:49 pm

I have just decided to become sober. I am not skeptical about AA or the 12 steps, I actually am looking forward to what my life can become with AA.
I am skeptical to my own alcoholism though...Part of me wants someone to diagnose me as an alcoholic just so I can fully accept it....I am a binge drinker. Every weekend probably for the past 15 years. This is really a new concept for me b/c what I think is an alcoholic, is not me...I go to work everyday (although the first 2 days of every week I am still recovering from the weekend). I don't drink in the morning ....I can go about 10 days without a drink.....

what really got crazy thought was my alcohol induced behavior....I have put myself in harms way in more ways than one with many scares, close calls and some terrible consequences. also my finances are..well ZERO....i''ll go the the bar every weekend and not pay my bills... I am broke!!!


I am scared to tell my friends......I know they will support me, I have great friends. I think some of them will think I am crazy b/c most of us have similiar drinking habits, however most of them do not suffer the way I do from drinking. My life has become severly unmanagable....I have tried therapists who have put me on anti depressants, I just found in a journal I was writing in at that time I was seeing a therapist and the one entry said that the best week I had was when I went to the bar and only had 2 beers....no guilt, bad behavior, depression, anxiety and less money spent....thats what it said...I even told my therapist and he never told me to stop drinking.......so I didn't even think at that time that alcohol was my problem....well maybe I had an idea....but I just thought I needed to drink less......

I knew many more people who obviously were alcoholics...they got into fights, and were falling over drunk and angry....not me....all of my situations only harmed myself so this made me think I had complete control...I could stop at any time.

I am rambling ....and scared maybe not making sense or complete thoughts....how will I leave my social life behind....what will I do for fun???? how will I tell my friends and have them think i'm serious....
I fell like I'm always telling them something ...i'm going on a diet...i'm quitting smoking....I always fail.....
I want them to take me seriously...I feel like I really need AA
Newb
 

Re: Scared confused and ready

Unread postby Guest » Thu Dec 06, 2007 3:33 am

Hi Newb,
You make perfect sense. Most people on this board can tell you that they went through what you're going through. Same feelings, same fears, same questions. Please go to AA. It's such a relief when you realize that you're not alone, that it's okay to be scared, and confused. That it's time to get better.
Guest
 

Re: Scared confused and ready

Unread postby Newb » Thu Dec 06, 2007 9:12 pm

Thank you. :D
Newb
 

Re: Scared confused and ready

Unread postby yosemite610 » Thu Dec 06, 2007 9:35 pm

A few thoughts:

I have met a lot of people in recovery and heard hundreds describe their drinking habits and they often differ. The common thread was what happened when they drank, not necessarily how much or where...

I suggest you consider a commitment; Attempt to stay sober and go to meetings for 90 days. If that sounds too overwhelming, try 60. If you're talking your way down to 30 days, then give that a shot.
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Re: Scared confused and ready

Unread postby clen and sorene » Wed Dec 26, 2007 4:39 pm

To scared and confused; go to meetings talk and read and get sponsor. What you need to do is not be afraid. When we are trying to get clean and now you need to go to any lengths as you did using you need to go to the lengths to read, ask, and share. Find yourself a a sponsor that you are comfortable. if just for today do something that you don't want to do to better your situation and give you more clarity to why you are clean for today. Shame and embarrassment are things we do the best. We are afraid of what we want and how to get it. So for today don't be afraid and buck and give yourself a break. You don't have to be in a hurry. You should write down what you are feeling and throw it away to relieve you of the that tension. Than start again and keep your second letter to yourself. Keep it safe and hold onto it. Pull it out when you need to show yourself that you can get through the hard times. That second letter is your proof of what you can overcome. So try to relax and be easy on yourself. :lol: :oops: :? So smile. Tina marie & Theresa
clen and sorene
 


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