by jendig » Thu Sep 25, 2008 6:31 am
Hello....I have had over 4 years sobriety and that was 2 years ago. I slipped, allowed myself to use stress with job and a difficult period of time with my teenage son to fall back into drinking. My family held an intervention with me and I went to Rehab. Came out feeling great with a new sense of self and conviction. Flew to California to help my partner move back to PA. While on the plane I sat next to a gentleman that was pounding beer after beer. While on his 4th beer, I ordered one myself and that was 1 1/2 years ago. My career to a change and I know that I have placed myself in even a greater opportunity to continue with my drinking. I have been staying in a hotel room since June and travel home on the weekends. I have been determined to not drink and find myself running to the liqour store every afternoon....and then when I go home, I think a drink or two will be ok. I have been slowly killing my relationship with my partner and my two sons who I love more than anything in the world...yet I continue to drink. My I am scared, I have looked up meetings in the area, yet never have gone due to the demands of my job and frequent meetings that come up during the times I know I can go. At the end of the day, I have already bought some alcohol and the eve. meetings just do not happen. I am scared, I am ashamed and I am alone which scares me even more due to how I have fallen in the rut I am in. I do not want to hurt anyone yet I continue to see the results...I know better, yet here I am again. I just want to crawl into a hole and disappear, but then again I k now that is not what I want to do....Any suggestions as to how to kick start myself...my Big book etc are next to me on my night stand in the hotel. I once again emptied out the alcohol in my room as I head out for another day of work away from home. I have scheduled myself to play racquetball in the gym as I had once done when I was sober and it helped so very much....
I feel the depression creeping in...help with any words that may sink in to me once again...