FALLING BACK INTO BAD HABITS

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FALLING BACK INTO BAD HABITS

Unread postby THE SHEWOLF » Thu Sep 25, 2008 3:10 pm

LATELY I HAVE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH AN OLD CROWD DUE TO THE LOSS OF THE LAST OF MY FAMILY. I KNEW IT WAS WRONG TO BE WITH THEM AS THEY ARE OLD FRIENDS FROM MY OLD LIFE BUT I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BE ALONE. I HAVE HAD 3 YEARS CLEAN AND WAS PROUD OF THAT BUT IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG BEING WITH THEM TO END THAT STREAK. I FEEL LIKE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I FEEL, TOO MANY FEELINGS ALL AT ONCE. ANGER, GUILTY, MAJOR DEPRESSION. ALL THAT HARD WORK DOWN THE DROWN. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK OUT THERE. I HAVE SO MUCH TO LOSE IF I REALLY STARTED AGAIN. THE THING IS I WAS NEVER A PERSON TO GO TO MEETINGS. I'M NOT KNOCKING THEM, IT'S JUST THAT WHEN I WAS THERE LISTENING TO PEOPLE BARE THEIR SOULS, IT MADE ME QUEASY AND ANXIOUS. THE MORE I WOULD LISTEN, THE MORE I WANTED TO GET HIGH. I TALKED TO A FRIEND TODAY WHO IS A COMMITTEEPERSON IN NJ, SHE HAS 4 YEARS IN AND SHE TOLD ME THAT IF I'M FEELING LONELY THEN I NEED TO BE AROUND PEOPLE THAT FEEL THE SAME WAY AND THAT I SHOULD GO TO A MEETING. THE THING IS OF ALL THE TIMES I WENT TO THE WORST PLACES WHEN I WAS OUT THERE, I NEVER HAD ANY FEAR OR NEVER FELT SHAME TO GO GET THE DRUGS SO WHY DO I FEEL SO MUCH FEAR AT WALKING INTO A PLACE THAT COULD SAVE ME. I'VE MADE MY WAY TO A COUPLE OF MEETINGS BUT NEVER HAD THE GUTS TO GO IN. I AM ASHAMED OF WHAT THEY WILL THINK OF ME, JUST ANOTHER LOSER WALKING IN THE DOOR. I SO DESPERATELY NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO OR GO TO A MEETING WITH ME. I JUST CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO WALK IN ALONE. I KNOW THAT SOME PLACES ARE CLICKY AND I AM PRETTY MUCH A LONER SO I WOULD LIKE TO FIND A PLACE WHERE THE PEOPLE ARE ACCEPTING AND LAID BACK AND WOULD MAYBE OFFER A KIND WORD TO A NEW COMER. I AM TYING TO SAVE MY LIFE. CAN ANYONE OFFER SOME INSIGHT OR ADVICE. PLEASE HELP ME.
THE SHEWOLF
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Re: FALLING BACK INTO BAD HABITS

Unread postby bigeazy » Fri Sep 26, 2008 2:03 am

Sometimes I believe it to be nessasary to check out of the real world for awhile and get a fresh start...I don't know what your capability is, however you may consider going into a rehab to get refocused...It's easy to forget the insanity when life seems normal...you also might think about getting involved in sober activities....it's all about taking a risk.....after all the, life you save may be your own.It's easy to ask for help on a keyboard simply because knows who you are....maybe thats the thing your missing----Remember you did'nt become a addict in one day..so don't expect to recover in a day....the 2nd step is about asking for help.........to those who know you, time to get HUMBLE
bigeazy
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Re: FALLING BACK INTO BAD HABITS

Unread postby emarie2e » Sun Nov 02, 2008 9:51 pm

I am going thru EXACTLY what u r going thru. I had 3 1/2 yrs clean, & I screwed up aga in. Im only 24 yrs old & when i relapsed i relapsed BAD! I went to rehab and then 10 days later i wasn jail. I've been out of jail now for bout 3 months & im struggling. Im not a big meeting person myself, used to be tho. And now I have met up with another "addict" & weve been going to town together, but want to stop soooooo bad. I dont have a habbit again YET but I DONT WANT TO BE AN ADDDICT ANYMORE!!!! I just want it to stop. I have an amazing bofriend who is about to leave me & I also have a 4 yr old son. I have evrything in the the world i could ever ask for & I still have the desire to get high. I dont get it. ANd i know if i call anyone who is in recovery they r gonna tell me to go to a meeting, & i dont know if im ready to walk back in. It was just pretty cool to hear that im not alone here, i hope this letter finds u still clean!
emarie2e
 


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