Trying not to question myself

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Trying not to question myself

Unread postby guest » Sat Oct 04, 2008 6:46 pm

I don't even know where to start on this because the story of my mother's alcoholism has been a long one that
started before she was born if you know what I mean. I'm a junior in college and I live about twenty minutes from home.
My younger sister lives at home with my mother and my nephew who is two years of age.
There are so many details but basically here is my dilema.
I KNOW that my mother is an alcoholic. I know because I've seen it...breathed it and have gone through it in raging rollercoasters of drama for years.
Talking to her, she is so full of lies (maybe not intentional) about what she's doing...how much she's "drinking" and her behavior that I am compelled to question my own interpretations.

What I mean is...she's my mom and I'm her kid...so ...
by default I still have this sense of Mother knows best and I find myself asking

"did i see her drinking a beer when I got to her house?'
"did she smell like beer or was it me?"
"am I crazy when I feel hurt by her tone of voice..am I just being sensitive...?"

I question my every being around her and I feel like it is her actions and lies that make me question myself.

I know that she is an alcoholic..how in the hell is she able to make me question it every time I interact with her?
guest
 

Re: Trying not to question myself

Unread postby Guest » Tue Oct 14, 2008 4:24 am

Unfortunately the fact that she is your mom doesn't mean she knows best. While you cannot really help her, you can work on your feelings (shame, guilt, etc.). Alanon or Alateen is a good place to go. You may want to read books about addiction to understand how this whole thing works. Understanding is the key; Judging will lead you nowhere. Come back if you want to share.
Guest
 

Re: Trying not to question myself

Unread postby Guest » Sat Nov 22, 2008 2:03 am

I'm dealing with a similar situation. My Mother is also an alcoholic. My entire family is struggling with it and she is still sneaking off and hiding alcohol and lying to us. I am going to my first AlAnon meeting tomorrow, because the constant thinking and trying to figure out if I am being mean or paranoid and second guessing myself is exhausting. :(
Guest
 

Re: Trying not to question myself

Unread postby Rae » Fri Nov 28, 2008 9:40 pm

My mother, father and two of my sisters were alcoholics, yes, that is past tense, they are all dead. One thing I learned, you can't make them admit what they are or get help. The most you can do for yourself is to remember, you didn't cause it, you can't change it and you can't control it. One of three things happen with addicts, they get help, end up in jail or die.

Until they are willing to admit they need and want help, you are helpless. You can choose not to enable them by making excuses, doing for them when they can't do for themselves and picking up the pieces for them. Until they reach their bottom and until there is a willingness to change, there is not much you can do, but protect yourself againt the mental stress. If this sounds cold, I don't mean it to be. I have been through this enough to know what works and what doesn't. For years I tried to change them, make them see what they were doing, but to no avail.

Please, do something for yourself, try to find an Alanon meeting and go a few times. There are so many people in your shoes with much the same stories. It will save your sanity. I will pray for you.
Rae
 

Re: Trying not to question myself

Unread postby Rae » Fri Nov 28, 2008 9:49 pm

One more thing I should mention, addicts make the BEST liars in world. They are better at it than politicians! Like you, I knew I smelled the alcohol and when they denied it, I doubted my own senses. And the creative hiding places....to name a few....
In the ice cube trays because vodka doesn't freeze
In the carcas of a turkey in the fridge
In the toilet tank
Behind rocks and bushes

I know how you feel and what you are going through, so will people at Alanon, give it a try.
Rae
 


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