Diverting Attention... How's it done?

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Diverting Attention... How's it done?

Unread postby JenniesTears » Tue Dec 09, 2008 6:32 pm

Hi-
I'm a previous drug user. I used them fir~stly to escape what i was feeling.. which was pain transforming into thoughts I never knew I had about myself and some things that went on. Pain turned to anger.. which turned to sadness.. which turned to depression.. which turned to solitude. Theills and what not made me forget it all.. and I thought they made me feel "better"... about.. me, anyway.
Anyway, I've been to a couple o AA meetings here in my hometown, and I'm taking the suboxone like I am suppose to.. and I honestly feel physically good. No more aches and pains and sweats and shivers from withdraw and all those bad things that happen to your body.. and I feel better about myself in the sense that... well, I'm proud of myself and I have dignity, and feel good about what i'm doing with myself, and all that pride.
But.. but.. but...... If i feel these good things, and the pain is so little it doesn't poison my emotions and feelings.... Why For The Love Of God-Do I Still Want To Get High??????? Nothing good came from the drugs.. and all around - i generallyfeel good, naturally! What is this???!!??? I don't feel okay talking with my doctor, because I don't want to be weak right now... I found this site, and maybe some of you out there have some light to shed, or maybe a story to tell?
I dream of getting high, I think about it alot during the day while I'm working and all, I've even swallowed a few pills a month ago.. I gave in to the temptation.. but I only got sick cause of the suboxone.
Everyone - if you have a thought, or an idea, or (like I said) a story... I like to read, I like to share and i like to write, so anything you have for me is better then what I have. I am very logical, so if you have something inspirational.. I will think about it for hours I'll bet. Thank you friends!!
~JenniesTears~
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Re: Diverting Attention... How's it done?

Unread postby Guest » Sat Dec 13, 2008 3:38 am

Jennie, thats how I feel... all the time
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Re: Diverting Attention... How's it done?

Unread postby yosemite610 » Fri Dec 19, 2008 5:12 pm

JenniesTears wrote: But.. but.. but...... If i feel these good things, and the pain is so little it doesn't poison my emotions and feelings.... Why For The Love Of God-Do I Still Want To Get High??????? Nothing good came from the drugs.. and all around - i generallyfeel good, naturally! What is this???!!???


It occurred to me, after years of sobriety, that when I was thinking of relapsing, I was feeling the same kind of feelings I used to feel before I ever started using/drinking. What was frustrating is that it took me a long time to realize what those feelings were (I had been so good at burying them); fear, dis-comfort, anxiety, dis-ease. My addiction (to alcohol or drugs or sex or gambling, etc., etc., ad nauseum.), my dis-ease, didn't get treated when I stopped 'medicating' myself.

When I stopped I was left with untreated addiction. I had made a change to a symptom, not the 'disease'. After years of struggling to do this thing my way (with only small successes, and several relapses), I decided to start taking advice. I went to meetings (this alone didn't keep me sober), I got a sponsor (again, this by itself didn't keep me sober), and I let him take me through the steps (which required me believing in a higher power; Something I wasn't sure was possible).

With those three, I have not only been able to stay sober, but enjoy much better relationships, see much more beauty around me, have more patience (not the grit your teeth kind, but the kind you might feel as a parent with your child), and most important to me today: Feeling peace in my life, peace with others, at ease with my 'existence'. Hope that makes some sense ;')

I experience frustration and disappointment. Life still comes at me at an angle I often dislike. I have financial difficulties, romance is scary thought I yearn for it... Life is still life, but I handle it soo differently. I'm adding this 'cause I didn't want it to sound like my life is all rosey ;')

When I started treating the disease (with the steps/sponsor) the symptom of desire/obsession went away.
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Re: Diverting Attention... How's it done?

Unread postby An Addict Called Mitch » Fri Jan 30, 2009 6:09 pm

It is completely normal these things your feeling. Especially if you've just taken pills recently. Another thing to take into consideration is your suboxone. It could potentially be getting you a light buzz, thus making you feel that much LESS removed the grips of active addiction. Either way, I don't want to criticize you or cause you to get tunnel vision before I put my most important point out there. It is NORMAL for addicts/alcoholics to get high/drink, making it ABNORMAL for us to remain abstinent from drugs and alcohol. So it's normal for you to think about drugs, dream about drugs, and want to get high. I had 18 months September 2008 before i relapsed, and I still would have thoughts of using. Fantasizing about getting high again. My problem was I didn't talk about it, leading to a 3 1/2 month run that flipped my world upside down. Now sitting here with just 2 days clean, the pain still fresh in my mind- it's still appealing to me to go get high. I don't have fun anymore when I use. I can't even use to get high after the first one because the guilt and shame are so strong. What you're really thinking about or yearning for is complete fantasy. You want to get high-- with no consequences. If that were possible, I'm rather confident that none of the fellowships would have grown to be such successes. Just keep in mind that time heals all. Pray to the Higher Power of your understanding to lift this burden, have faith that he/she/it will do so, and move on. It sounds slightly more easy than it is, but it's not that difficult either. Keep on sharing honestly, and you'll be fine. Stick with people who are well plugged-in to the fellowship, get a sponsor, make alot of meetings, get a homegroup, and make some friends. You'll be alright, and remember: This, too, shall pass.


~Mitch D.
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