newbie

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newbie

Unread postby expillpopper » Mon Jun 02, 2008 12:32 pm

I'am fresh out of rehab and I found this sight. I was in rehab for three weeks for oc's and percocets. I'am going to meetings but I dont share at all. I'm starting IOP tommorrow morning. My counselor suggested that because you have to share in the small groups. I need the push to do so, but I'm worried that I'm just going to get mad and walk out. I kept my drug problem a secret for so long that it's very hard for me to even say out loud what my drug of choice was. I really want to stay clean and I know I need to talk about it to do so. Is there anyone that went through anything similiar to this with a suggestion?
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Re: newbie

Unread postby kara » Tue Jun 03, 2008 10:08 pm

i am trying to recover..the thing that kept me the most from doing so for so long and still does is rthe sharing part...i am social phobic or i feel i am when i don't drink....i want to see once and for all if my fears are valid or alcohol induced :(to do this..i must stop drinking...
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Re: newbie

Unread postby tryingtogrow » Tue Jun 17, 2008 7:42 pm

[color=#FF0080]Hello I am Kinda in the same perdicament, I just got clean too and I am mad as hell I think that I gave too much of to using so I understand how you feel this would not be my first time being clean, I had a hard time going to meetings and sharing, so I ended up alone in my head and that is the worst place to be. We all need each other thats how this works, I know sometimes, the meetings can be a bit much but I guess thats why God created the enternet :lol:
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Re: newbie

Unread postby erinj2112 » Wed Jun 18, 2008 9:43 pm

Hey Newbie,
DOn't worry too much and don't take yourself too seriously. Every one in the room is there for the same purpose - to get clean and stay that way. I know it is hard at first - I don't think I shared in the very begining. You have no need to say what you were doing, what drugs or actions; keep focused on what you are doing now - trying to save your life. People can get wrapped up in the war story, try to stay wrapped up in the story of your recovery. Your life starts here, no need to retread hell in front of a room full of people. That is what your 4th and 5th step are for; and can be done one on one. Small groups can be easier, and if you need to walk out and take a break thats fine, just make sure you walk back in.
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Re: newbie

Unread postby casey522 » Sat Dec 13, 2008 11:21 pm

Hi newbie! I went to rehab 3 years ago for a xanax & klonopin addiction. I was there for 2 weeks and when I got out I felt like a brand new person. I have been clean off both drugs for 3 years, 4 months. Don't say congrats just yet though. I have been addicted to percocet/vicodin for about 2 years now. I have tried so many times to stop and I just can't do it. My mom has no clue and I can't tell her! After the first time, and seeing how she almost lost her mind, I could never put her through all that again. The last 2 years or more of my life have been a downward spiral! I can't control it and I am slowly starting to loose my mind. I am depressed 24/7 and sometimes hope I'll go to sleep and never wake up. Percocets have taken full control of my life and I can't even wake up in the morning or get out of bed until I get them in my system. I am so mean all the time to everyone, I just have an attitude and no one wants to be around me anymore. I don't go out, I don't see my friends, I keep myself isolated. My life was never like this. Growing up, I never used drugs! I was so against them. At the age of 19, I don't know what happened. I have been using drugs for 4 years now and I have seen such a change in myself. I look bad, I feel bad, I just want to die! I would never go back to rehab, I could never put my mom through all that pain and anguish again, it would kill me! I need help.. fast! I can't talk to anyone.. I think my best bet would go to NA and just try to surround myself with people who are like me and can relate to me. I am so scared because I know if I don't get off them soon it's just going to get worse. I function just fine, I go to work everyday, I am damn good at my job & what I do, my bills are always paid on time. Even though my addiction is bad and comes first above everything, I never allowed myself to go into debt. Any bills I had got paid before I bought drugs. that is one thing i was always anal about. I know why my addiction is so bad and I know how to help myself, but I feel like I can't. I feel like I'm ready to take a nervous breakdown, I know I'm loosing my mind!!
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Re: newbie

Unread postby yosemite610 » Sat Dec 20, 2008 8:06 am

I think sharing in meetings is about honesty. Opening yourself up, allowing others to see you. When I was in my addiction I used to go to a party and hang near the edge, looking in the 'window' so to speak, until I felt I had a good idea of how I should represent myself once 'inside'. That was 'posing'. it wasn't the real me. I didn't know who the real me was, I was so out of touch with my feelings/etc.

Regardless, it was terrifying at first to share. Someone suggested closing my eyes! I tried it and it helped... I also tried sitting way up front (in meetings where there are 'rows') so that when I shared, I could only see a few faces... That really helped.

Wish I had a better way of describing this, but I think a F*CK-IT kind of attitude helps when trying to share. I'll prep myself a little with thoughts like "Don't care what they think of m...", "Screw 'em if they don't like what I say...", "If they don't like what I say, I wouldn't want to hang around them after the meeting anyway..." etc.

If you're being honest when you share, people can tell. And it demands respect (not like awe, more like empathy). I still feel some anxiety when sharing, but I think it's a 'tissue-paper fear'; One of those fears that once you have stood up to it you realize it's pretty groundless, that the 'dangers' are bull$hit (projected by my own fears of rejection, not being accepted, etc.).

I do think sharing is essential to recovery, learning about yourself, letting others learn about you, letting others get to know you (all scary stuff to me/us).

Give it a shot. I've got your back.

*grin*
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Re: newbie

Unread postby Magnolia » Sun Dec 21, 2008 5:23 pm

hey newbie, just keep going and listening.. if the chairperson for the meetings calls on you (sometimes they do), simply say "my name is _____, and i choose to pass"

that's all. no need to muster a ball of anxiety because you have a choice to talk or pass. maybe one day you will want to share on your terms.

God bless you

Magnolia
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Re: newbie

Unread postby texastom » Sun Dec 28, 2008 9:45 pm

hi to all new be not shore i like that newbe shit. i old school and i think new people realy don't have a lot to say about being sober all they know is the war storys so just let us know that you r new so we can reach out and do not say a dam thing. when i came in i was told to keep my mouth closed and my ears open. i did so and i have not found a need to drink for over 20 years
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Re: newbie

Unread postby thoughts » Fri Mar 20, 2009 7:56 am

hey newbie. i completely understand the whole not sharing thing. i was a "functional" addict for the longest time and i felt like since i could keep everything under control in regard to bills and work that i didn't have a problem and no one would take it seriously anyway because so many of my friends have/had the same problem. it took me over 2 years to admit i even had a problem with drugs and i only starting thinking about the idea that i am struggling with alcoholism in the last year (though i have been drinking heavily since i was 14). but.. i have 2.5 years off my drug of choice and just realized i think my drug of choice really is alcohol...and i have 3.5 months sober. only after 2 months could i even talk to my best friend about stopping drinking because it is so accepted among my family and my friends (and so many of them have drinking problems)... i dont think anyone will tell you that you have to share...i am trying to decide if meetings will help me but have the same anxiety about sharing as well and i dont think i knew that until i read your post...so thank you. as for starting IOP, i have been running group counseling sessions for six years and i can tell you generally people like to give a lot of advice to new comers...sometimes listening is easier-- so go for it... you will know when you are ready and whatever you share, as long as you are honest, no one will down you for that. be well.


Last bumped by Anonymous on Fri Mar 20, 2009 7:56 am.
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