LOSING HOPE

Posting as a Guest - you do not need to register to post a message in any of the forums, but the message does need to be approved by a moderator before it is displayed.
Registered Users - your posts do not need to be approved.
Forum rules
Please consider replying to an existing message. It only takes a minute and you may help someone else in need. A simple word of encouragement goes a long way.

LOSING HOPE

Unread postby DEVONDEVILE » Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:05 am

i GUESS THIS IS FOR WHO EVER WILL LSITEN OR READ THIS. iM 23 YRS OLD AND I HAVE BEEN USING DRUGS SINCE I WAS ABOUT 13 AND DRINKING SINCE I WAS 12 I GREW UP IN A VERY UNSTABLE CHILDHOOD WITH PARENTS WHO DID TERRIABLE THINGS TO ME. JUST RECENTLY IN THE PAST TWO YR MY DRUG USE HAS GOTTEN BEYOND WORSE. USING 4-6 DAYS A WEEK STILL MAINTAIN A JOB. BECAUSE I AM INVOLVED IN NIGHT LIFE. WHILE USING I SAW A DR WHO SAID I WAS BI POLAR AND HAVE RUN OUT OF MEDICATION FOR SOMETIME I GO BACK TO DR 2 MORO FIRST TIME IN A YR. I PUSHED AWAY EVERYONE WHO CARED ABOUT ME MY GIRLFRIEND WHO I AM IN LOVE WITH IS NOT IN LOVE WITH ME ANY MORE JUST TOLD ME YESTERDAY BECAUSE OF THE WAY I AM THE DRUGS DRINKING PARTYIN G FIGHTING ... I GET EXTREMELY VIOLENT WHEN ITS DOESNT GO MY WAY I JUST REALLY NEED A FRIEND I WANNA DIE BUT I WANNA PROVE TO MYSELF N HER I CAN DO IT RIGHT NOW IM ONLY GETTING BY BY HOPEING SHE'LL GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE EVEN THOUGH SHE SASID SHE WOULDNT I USE EVERYTHING FROM WEED TO COCIANE TO SPECIAL K I JUST RECENTKY TRIED HERION. I PRETTY MUCH WILL DO WHAT EVER I CAN WHENEVER ITS NEAR, ONCE I DRINK I USUALLY NEED COKE. WITHOUT IT IM A MONSTER I FEEL LIKE I WONT BE ABLE TO FUNCTION WITHOUT IT ESP IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS. PPL ARE AFRIAD ILL OD N DIE BUT I NEVER HAVE, IM AFRAID TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND WISH I WOULD OD RIGHT NOW I DONT HAVE ANYTHING ONE ME. JUST A LITTLE BIT OF K AND SOME WEED THE REST I LOOST WHILE OUT PARTYING. I REALLY DONT KNOW WHERE TO START OR WHERE TO BEGIN. :cry:
DEVONDEVILE
Registered User
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Jan 25, 2009 11:51 pm
Location: PHILADELPHIA NJ NYC

Re: LOSING HOPE

Unread postby Guest » Tue Jan 27, 2009 11:04 am

Don't give up.It will be hard to stop and I know it feels like there is no way. But really there is. You can stop. I use to do everything too. I was addicted to speed, used like everyday. I would do pretty much do whatev anyone had. I started doing everything about 14 yrs old, drinking, smoking, weed, acid, shrooms, coke, speed, E. I hear ya when you start drinking you need a line or vise versa as soon as I did a line I needed a drink. I grew up in a very unstable house. There was alot of "partying" around me. I used speed mostly for 11 yrs, my last 3 yrs were the worst. Up for a days, weeks at a time. I started going crazy in my head and I knew I had to quit. It took 2 years of on and off tring to quit. Finally been clean (of just snorting things) for 2 years now. I quit by just stopping everything and the help of my husband. I had a crazy detox period where I couldn't get out of bed and when I did I was horrible. That took about 2 weeks, I alos gave up smoking cig. at the same time. I still smoked weed for a long time, and feel as thought it isn't really that bad. Alot of people I know smoke and I don't judge them. I haven't smoked in over a month. I went back to drinking. I now am dealing with my drinking problem. I make really bad choices when I drink and get out of control. I am scared if I keep drinking I will just go back to my old ways, alot of people very close to me do drugs and it is a struggle everyday not to join them. I haven't drank in 7 days, tring to stay sober. Everyone is telling me to go to aa, but scared too do it. I think reading books about the 12 steps and staying sober helped me, I also keep a journal. Good luck.

Serenity (got it from a book)
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Guest
 

Re: LOSING HOPE

Unread postby Jeff » Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:53 pm

I want to write that I know how you feel. I had another relapse and as I write this I am waiting the hangover out. I drank for selfish reasons. I drank because I felt rejected. I drank because my friend went out on crystal and I was worried, and my worry was pointless.
I have been in recovery for over 3 years and at one time I had a significant amount of time clean. It's always relationships that drive me insane.
All I can do is not drink again today. I don't have the stamina anymore, and I don't even want it.

I'm lucky to be alive. I have to let this guy go. I hate feeling this way.
Jeff
 

Re: LOSING HOPE

Unread postby Guest » Wed Jan 28, 2009 6:08 pm

my name is jackie and im also 23 i freaked out for a moment when i read your blog bc we have almost the EXACT same situations I grew up in detroit i started with alcohol at 12, than pot at 13, than moved on to acid and special k at 14 and 15 amd it went to coke from there...during that time i had grown up with just me and my mother she was my life and although she was addicted to drugs she gave me the best love i could ask for...my father was never areound so i was more like the mother in the relationship than the daughter...my mother remarried a man who physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally, and finally sexually abused me for years and than murdered my mother 2 weeks before my 16th birthday...i had no one left besides my grandmothers who also passed away...i feel like i have no one...i pushed all of my close friends away and lost everyone i ever loved about 3 years ago i found out i had ovarian cancer and i didnt care bc in all honesty i wanted to die...in the years since i have found out i became addicted to opiates my drugs seem like my only release from my past and my twisted and tormented reality...I also keep a job in the nightlife and model i make great money but it seems to all go to my habit...i think what you need is a friend who understands what your going through and i could use one too...if you would like to talk or have a friend to go to meetings with i would love that...my url for my myspace is
http://www.myspace.com/heavenshottestlostangel...if you dont have myspace write back and i will give you my number or aim
and one more thing sweeetheart drugs change people they make you say and do things you normally wouldnt and its very hard for people who arent addicted to realize that....if you and your gf are meant to be than it will be, if not everything happens for a reason and maybe god has a different plan and as much as it hurts everything changes in time darling and i hold out hope that my faith will help me as well as you and everyone else suffering with this demon of chemical lust...good luck and god bless...hopefully ill hear from you soon good luck to all
Guest
 

Re: LOSING HOPE

Unread postby Jeff » Wed Feb 04, 2009 2:23 am

Hi It's Jeff. Last week I checked into a hotel room in Philadelphia and drank nearly an entire bottle of vodka. One week has past and I don't want to drink vodka again. I was sad and depressed. I was angry and confused. The vodka would have led to crystal meth, but I did not have access to drugs at that time.

I have to learn how to deal with my problems. I wan't losing hope. I had lost all hope. It's sad when a relationship turns out bad. It's hard to face the truth that maybe two people are not good for each other. One person wants all of the attention that the other one is unable or unwilling to give. It's hard.
I'm lucky my situation was not worse. I could have ruined a lot more than my immediate health that night. I was hungover for two days. I may have had alcohol poisoning. I guess I'm writing this to explain what I do so I don't go to the place I was a week ago.

I surrender. I pray to God, Jesus. I seek out the best in myself and do my best to believe it. I am worthy of love. Heck, Jesus loved me so much he was tortured and crucified for me. I believe this. I am not saying everyone should believe the same things I believe in order to stop drinking and using drugs. I am saying that a person has to love himself first. I have to love Jeff. It sounds corny and pathetic, but it is saving my life. Today when I was feeling bad, I wrote out affirmations. Some of them went like this - I love myself because I am smart. I love myself because I am funny sometimes. I love myself because I am good looking. I love myself because I am patient.

I have obtained several months of sobriety in the past. I am capable of staying dry, but I want more than that. I want to be happy with who I am. This takes an effort on my part.

I find that when I do this, when I say or write positive things to myself that I start to believe them. I am able to love myself and then I am able to love and accept everyone else for who they are.
Jeff
Registered User
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:58 pm

Re: LOSING HOPE

Unread postby dvdblsd » Thu Feb 05, 2009 9:30 pm

HELLO WHO WANTS TO READ THIS, I WAS TRULY BLESSED TODAY, ESCAPED THE COURT SYSTEM FROM A TECHNICALITY, AND DID NOT GET JAIL TIME! IN BLESSED RIGHT, WELL
I HAVE RELAPSED AFTER HAVING 4 YEARS OF CLEAN TIME, ??? ITS MESSED UP BECAUSED
I FELT IN CONTROL AND THAT I CAN DO NO WRONG, I STARTED WITH DRINKING THEN , THOUGHT THAT MY WIFE WAS HIP AND SMELLED ME ALL THE TIME, SO I HAVE BEEN SMOKIN ROCK AND SNORT H, I DID THAT BEFORE I DID MY LAST JAIL SENTENCE 5 YEARS AGO!! TODAY WOKE ME UP, I GOT A CHANCE THAT I DID NOT DESERVE, I WANT THIS TO CONTINUE FIGHTING THE DEVIL AND THIS CRAZY LITTLE THING COULD DRUGS.
IF YOU WANT TO TALK EMAIL ME @ DVDBLSD@AOL.COM OR JUST KNOW THEIR IS A WAY THAT IS BETTER AND GOD IS THE WAY, IT STARTS IN THE MEETINGS, THE YOU WILL GET
THE TOOLS YOU NEED, AFTER THAT ITS UO TOO YOU. GOD BLESS!!!!!
dvdblsd
 

Re: LOSING HOPE

Unread postby Guest » Sat Feb 21, 2009 8:26 pm

dear losing hope so very sad to read your letter you have to look deep inside yourself and ask why you feel so down on yourself i worked in a bar-night club and fell into a similar situation maybe you should think about another line of work i know it can be very difficult dealing with people using when you are not thats why i removed myself from the posittion and just maybe not using for her sake is not enough dont use for your sake in the end you are still stuck with the same problems they might just be bigger we all have our own issues some are just more distructive than others stop before its too late im trying dessperatly to save my son who now has hep c on top of the addiction problems, but if i give up then he may die your story made me cry hader but you have more going for you than he does he's 19 so if you cant stay clean for her or yourself can you try to stay clean for me and my son because maybe if you can do it tan he can too so you see you cant lose hope im counting on you
Guest
 

Re: LOSING HOPE

Unread postby Nalltheway » Mon Feb 23, 2009 4:05 pm

losing hope is about me right now my mother keeps arguing with me and i left the house planning to go get high..i got about 2 seconds away and came back to try to make amends she wasnt having it so the first thing i did was came on here. when i begin to lose hope or have bad cravings i get to my knees and pray to my higher power (god in my understanding) and it may take a while or it could b two seconds but the burden is taken off. please if you feel like me go to meetings and be around the people who care for you the most...another grateful recovering addict
-your stuck in a hole with no way out and ur screaming for someone to come help first a priest comes nd sees you
"father please help me i cant get out"
"ok ill b right back with help"....he never returns
then a rabi "please help rabi the priest left me and i cant get out"
"ok im gonna go get help wait there" the rabi doesnt come back
then a recovering addict"please help me man i cant get out" the recovring addict jumps in the hole with you.
"what the hell did u do that for"
the recovering addict says"ive been in this hole before and i can show you the way out"


Peace.Love.Keep coming back

hoped that help dont ever give up hope love a grateful recoving addict
Nalltheway
 


Return to Drug Addiction

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron