im in a codependent relationship

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im in a codependent relationship

Unread postby kimbo525 » Thu Mar 19, 2009 12:21 pm

I am new to this recovery thing. In fact its not even fair to say Im new because I am not clean. I am still using but i am in the process of stoppping. I recently told my mom about my using and she dropped everything and is on her way this weekend to help me. She is going to take me to my first meeting. I cant wait to get the ball rolling. I feel so much better know that she knows. It was the hardest thing ever!! I am married and my husband is using too. The only good thing is that we are on the same page as far as wanting to stop. I have recently been aware to the fact that Im in a codependent relationship. It scares me because i love him so much. We have been married a year. We havnt been using the whole time we have been together so maybe we have that going for us. Some say we will break up. Others (which I perfer to believe) say that it might stregthen our relationship. We have good communication and talk about our dreams of becoming clean; having kids, buying a house, growing old together. God I hope we make it! Is there anyone out there that is or was in a similar situation that can help?
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Re: im in a codependent relationship

Unread postby milkpaint » Fri Mar 20, 2009 12:06 am

I have not been in your situation but I have some thoughts I'd like to share. Nobody has a crystal ball, nor can they predict the outcome of your situation. Your chance for happiness in this relationship are certainly going to improve if you both take care of yourselves. If your addictions are left untreated they will be all consuming and your relationship can't grow in change in positive ways under those circumstances.

I really commend you for wanting more for yourself and for your marriage. If you are both committed to stopping that is wonderful. I imagine when one person continues drinking/using/etc and the other doesn't, that could be particularly challenging. It sounds like you both care about yourselves and each other so I would be optimistic.

As far as being co-dependent... There is nothing wrong with depending upon your husband nor with he depending on you. It is good that you want to be with him, and to make it work long term!! Obviously we all need to be able to function independently, and with individuality. If you have yourself in tact as a person who is able to make decisions/function independently but you choose to have your husband in your life, isn't that what marriages are supposed to be about?

You sound like you have your head on your shoulders more than you realize. I wish your husband and you all the best!
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