Relapse waiting to happen

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Relapse waiting to happen

Unread postby drugfree » Thu May 21, 2009 9:53 pm

I just got out of rehab about 2 months ago after a 2 year tear with opiates. Life got so tough, so hard and so painfull my wife and i checked into 2 seperate rehabs. We communicated in rehab with alot of writing back and forth. I wanted to leave in the beginning but it did gradually get eisier and better as time when on. I learned alot and realized for the first time in my life "I am an addict." I learned how to stop using and how to not use. I was scared the day i got out. I had been in a drug free bubble for a month and hoped i could make it on my own. The day i got out i did what they said. I went to a meeting raised my hand and said my name is Jason and I am an addict, i am here to follow direction and look for suggestions. Up to this point things were going well. A few days later i came to the realization of how much i messed up, my marriage was on on edge I hurt my family , and was in tons of debt. From this point forward, my wife blamed me for her addiction. She thought if it was not for me she would not have started. I was to blame about the debt and my relationship got harder and harder. She said she wanted to see if our relationship was mendable and give it 6 months. Not talk much and see each other much. She also did not wear her wedding ring because she said that she didnt feel very close to me and we did alot of damage. We both say we love each other and we both want it to work out. Atleast i know i do. Then a month later i found out she went to the movies with a guy from rehab. This tore me up and im still thinking about it. Her parents know and she said they are just friends. A movie in my opinion is a date. And i cant have my wife going on dates. It is very hard for me to trust her at this point. She cheated on me 3 years ago before marriage and i started a rampage with drugs at that point. Now im clean it feels like it happend yesterday. I feel this is back to back. SHe said she realized it was wrong going out with him and wont do it again but can be friends which i agree with if it stays at that level. I am clueless what to do. Part of me wants to be done with it because i dont want paint again, another parts wants to hang on make things better and move on in life. I want a quick fix and that is my issue. Thats what i want in life and why i started drugs. Should i distance myself for a period of time, i am living with my parents know and her with hers. I will never know what is going on. Every time i talk to her i bring it up and it is making her upset. I feel im posting on a marriage board but this could jepordize my recovery if not done right. I dont want to use, i know where i came from and i dont want to go back. If anyone has experience with this let me know or feel free to comment....
drugfree
 

Re: Relapse waiting to happen

Unread postby JasonG » Wed Jun 03, 2009 10:28 pm

Has anyone here tried to stay in a marriege after getting sober with another recovering addict. This is soo tough. I almost want to throw in the towel. She is still blaming me all the time. When is enough enough....Can anyone reply to this and the above post i wrote. Thanks.....
JasonG
 

Re: Relapse waiting to happen

Unread postby kate » Thu Jun 04, 2009 12:13 pm

Let go and let god. I know that it that is not an easy thing to do. Your higher power will make sure that your needs (not wants) are taken care of. Pray for your wife that she may find peace in her recovery. Just work on yourself right now....If you relapse you will not have any chance of saving your marriage. YOU WORK YOUR PROGRAM...NOT HERS and things will be okay marriage or no marriage.
kate
 

Re: Relapse waiting to happen

Unread postby wifeofan3addict » Fri Jun 05, 2009 3:58 pm

You need to be proud of what you accomplished. And your sobiety has to be the first thing on your mind. If you relapse you could lose her for good! Especially if she is working her program. You need to support eachother, but you will drive yourself crazy for blameing yourself on the past. She participated in the drug use, you did not force her. My husband is an addicted, and I blammed him for a while for introducing me to drugs. But it was my choice to take them. I am lucky that I never got addicted and it was just a phase in my life, but my husband was not so lucky. You need to support without making it your full time job. That's what my therapist tells me. I really hope you can work it out with your wife. But right now if you ruin all the progress you made, you will definatlly lose it all! Call a sponsor. Go to a meeting. Talk to a thearpist. Just stay clean. Show her you are worth being with!
Because you can not change the past, just look towards the future! And yours is bright!
wifeofan3addict
 

Re: Relapse waiting to happen

Unread postby JasonG » Sat Jun 06, 2009 6:01 pm

Thanks for the replies. Im hitting meetings almost every day. Im not thinking about using, im just living in such depression right now. Out of rehab i felt feeling for my wife that i have not in a long time. I feel like i love her so much more and she is the oposite. She said her feelings are not the same as they were for me. We are giving each other a month break. Some days im ok, others i want to be able to change the way she thinks. I have never seen her act the way she is now. Always blaming, saying how much she did for me in the past> Mostly over money issues. Every time we see each other or talk for a while an argument always arises and it starts with her. Im doing everything i can to keep her, but after this month is up we will see i guess where we stand. WHen is enough enough and throw in the towel. Im keeping a journal and it seems to be helping. She is still not wairing her wedding ring becuase she says we dont seem close. This is just so hard to give up on but i feel like its all i think about. Why are relationships so damn tough?
JasonG
 

Re: Relapse waiting to happen

Unread postby CRASH » Sat Aug 08, 2009 4:31 am

JASON MY NAME IS CHUCK, I`M 47, BEEN SOBER 2 AND A HALF YEARS. I HAVE A SPONSOR WHO HAS BEEN SOBER 12 YRS. AND HIS SPONSOR HAS BEEN SOBER 41 YRS. SO I HAVE A VERY OLD SCHOOL OUTLOOK ON RECOVERY.START LIVING IN THE SOLUTION ! IT`S GREAT THAT YOUR GOING TO MEETINGS ALMOST EVERYDAY...GO TO A MEETING EVERYDAY. DO A 90 IN 90. DO YOU KNOW WHY PEOPLE SAY TO DO A 90 IN 90. BECAUSE 90 PLUS 90 IS 180, AND THAT`S WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE, A 180 DEGREE TURN AROUND !
IF YOUM WRITE THAT YOUR A RELAPSE WAITING TO HAPPEN, GUESS WHAT, YOUR GOING TO RELAPSE !! STOP LIVING IN THE PROBLEM, IF YOUR GOING TO MEETINGS AND LISTENING TO WHAT`S BEING SAID THAN YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO GET INVOLVED IN YOUR RECOVERY. GET A SPONSOR, START WORKING STEPS, USE THE PHONE LISTS, CALL 3 OR 4 ALCOHOLICS A DAY. IF YOU WANT TO BE SOBER, YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR IT, IT JUST DOESN`T COME KNOCKING ON YOUR FREAKIN FRONT DOOR ! MY SPONSOR TELLS ME I CAN CRY OR WHINE OR TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ONE TIME, THEN THE THE NEXT TIME I BRING IT UP I BETTER HAVE A SOLUTION I CAN WORK ON TO SOLVE MY SITUATION. PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT EACHOTHER TELL EACHOTHER THE TRUTH, AND JASON I CARE ABOUT YOU ! SO GET GRATEFUL FOR ALL THE GOOD YOPU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE AND QUIT BITCHING ABOUT TYHE TOUGH THINGS ! JUST REMEMBER NO MATTER HOW SHITTY IT IS SOMEONE OUT THERE ALWAYS HAS IT WORSE, SO PRAY FOR THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE IT WORSE THAN YOU. GO OUT AND HELP ANOTHER ALCOHOLIC ! GIVE SOMEBODY A RIDE TO A MEETING, PUT YOUR NAME ON A PHONE LIST, CALL 2 OR 3 PEOPLE A DAY. DO YOU HAVE A BIG BOOK, IF NOT GET ONE, IOF YOU DO START READING. START FROM THE FIRST FOREWORD, AND KEEP GOING. IT DOESN`T MATTER IF YOU UNDERSTAND IT, JUST START GETTING THE FABRIC OF THIS PROGRAM SINKING INTO YOUR BRAIN. READ PAGE 417 ABOUT ACCEPTANCE. WE HAVE A DISEASE, WE ARE NOT A DIGRACE, ACCEPT THAT AND START MOVING FORWARD IN YOUR RECOVERY !! MY SPONSOR DOES TELL ME HE`S PROUD OF ME, BUT HE DOESN`T SPEND ALOT OF TIME MASSAGING MY EGO! HE PUTS A FOOT IN MY ASS!! WHEN I NEED IT. WHEN I START FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF, HE`LL TELL ME TO WRITE A GRATEFUL LIST, BECAUSE GRATEFUL DRUNKS DON`T DRINK AND GRATEFUL ADDICTS DON`T USE !! I WISH YIOU HARD WORK, BUT WITH THAT HARD WORK YOU WILL FIND A LIFE BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS.. IF YOU WANT TO TALK YOU CAN EMAIL ME AT CRASHDADDYTY@AOL.COM. HANG IN THERE DUDE, EVERYTHING WILL BE COOL, JUST DO THE NEXT RITE THING ! SEE YA.


Last bumped by Anonymous on Sat Aug 08, 2009 4:31 am.
CRASH
 


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