Daily Struggles

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Daily Struggles

Unread postby dano » Wed Jun 17, 2009 12:16 pm

I have just been arrested and charged with felony drug charges. I am really struggling with who i am. I have been in the drug game for 12 years, since the age of 13. I was a major distributor of cocaine in colorado for 2 years before i became addicted to heroin. I came back to the east coast to enter detox because i was horribly sick, and missed my family. I managed to stay clean for a couple months before picking up drinking, cocaine, and smoking weed again. In my mind, as long as i didn't go back to heroin, or major dealings, i was ok, and in fact, proud of myself. For the first time in my life i am willing to admit that i am a drug addict/alcoholic. The problem is that i am a very well-functioning one. I do my job well and have received promotions while living in active addiction. All of my closest friends are functioning drug users and alcoholics and I feel very alone, with no real friends. All i want is peace of mind and i have nothing of the sort. I battle between hatred and gratitude for the cop who busted me. Does anyone else have a similar experience?
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Re: Daily Struggles

Unread postby xjunkie4u » Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:12 am

Yes, sorry for the false start. I did this before and used successfully for several months or more. The thing is since you were a real dope addict before, sooner or later it will end and you will loose control. all the best
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Re: Daily Struggles

Unread postby johnnyc_jacksonohio » Sun Jul 05, 2009 3:59 am

High functioning alcoholic or drug addict does not mean that we are not alcoholics or drug addicts, and that is what I missed for so many years I wasted by continuing to perform those acts. My drug dealing was very serious, and I would not post them here, or anywhere else for that matter, but I have been sober for over 21 years now, and do not deal, use, or drink at all. You have a right to be mad at the officer who busted you - hell, I was, until I worked the steps many many times, and my Higher Power seen it fit that I ran into my cop at an AA Dance, yes, an AA Dance pulling Special Duty because it was also Casino Night, and we had a chance to talk as men. At first I was really miffed about him even being there, and then my sponsor walked up to me, and said "Damn, isn't that so and so who popped you?" :( , and before I got a word out of my mouth he said "time for you to make amends to him for bad talking him, and ..... (fifth step stuff here, lol) and you can wipe him off your list of people to make amends too". We had a great night, and I learned allot about how they busted me, how many hours they put into getting me so they could seal the cage shut on my ass, and how much they really thought I was a public enemy. It opened my eyes even wider about not only my recovery but other peoples recovery too. He showed me that I was a valuable person to have being sober in our society, and how I was an asset to the community being in AA helping others as I was helped. My Higher Power knows what He wants for me, even though I don't know what He wants for me to do most times. You work the Steps and He will show you what He wants you to see, and others around you will see Him in you, and you in Him, thus Alcoholics Anonymous message and purpose will be carried on as it should. Thank you for sharing, and Love You Lots! JohnnyC Jackson, Ohio 8)
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