Desperately Seeking Help

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Desperately Seeking Help

Unread postby jayempea » Sun Jul 19, 2009 7:00 pm

I am 36, married, mother, work full time......and my life is an absolute mess. I come from a long line of addicts and do believe that addiction is a hereditary thing but I don't want to be a slave to my genes any longer. I have struggled with addiction for many years to all different vices and for the last 6 years or so, it's been prescription drugs. I was hooked on opiates for 3 years and accepted it was a problem and stopped taking them on my own, cold turkey. It was the more horrible experience ever and I never want to go through that again. EVER. I am so disappointed but due to a chronic medical condition, I have reason to get prescriptions rather easily and I went with Hydrocodone. It's been a few years of that and it's to the point where I run out of medication WAY before I'm due to get more and the pharmacy won't give it and then I freak and panic and go through this whole drama and promise myself I will never do it again. I come up with all sorts of crazy ways around it and I'm sick of it all. I am just sick of this life. For a while, I told myself that I was still doing great because I wasn't taking THAT stuff anymore....no more opiates after all......but just b/c I'm not feeling the buzz I once enjoyed, I still can't stop and I hate it. Quite frankly, it's a wonder I'm still alive with all of the Tylenol in my system daily. I usually finish a month's supply in a week or if I'm "good" and on my "best behavior", 3 weeks (which is such a struggle).

Is NA even for me? How do I know what to do? Will the people there look at me like I'm someone that doesn't even have a "real" drug problem? I know I do but, well, it's just tough I guess. It's obvious it's a big problem in my life and is causing a lot of problems. Is there anyone who can offer some wisdom here?
jayempea
 

Re: Desperately Seeking Help

Unread postby Guest » Sat Jul 25, 2009 1:16 pm

First off nobody will look at you saying you don't have a real drug problem because they know you do. I would go to NA asap and I would go to my doctor asap. Explain what's going on, and see what your physician recommends. I'm sure other people will have a bunch of suggestions. Let us know how things are going.
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Re: Desperately Seeking Help

Unread postby jayempea » Sat Jul 25, 2009 5:42 pm

Thank you so much for the reply. I have to find the strength and the guts to do this. Ironically, this is coming to a head once again for me on the anniversary of my father's death (also an addict) and I'm listening to relatives comment on "what a shame he couldnt' get his act together" and "gosh, if he would have thought of his family and just stopped using". It pisses me off. Do people really believe that it's really that simple? Or, is it and I don't want to believe it? I don't know.

I got a list online of local meetings and came up with every excuse not to go yet but it's mostly that I'm scared to death to walk into a room filled with people who won't get it or maybe they're worse off or maybe I'll just want to turn around and run like hell. Part of me wonders if rehab is the way to go but then I have a million reasons that woulnd't be smart.....just started a new job, i have a kid, can't afford it, don't want it on my record.....you get the idea. So, I am officially out of drugs here at home, can't get anymore for a week or so and I should be sick in a few days. Terrific. Here we go again.
jayempea
 

Re: Desperately Seeking Help

Unread postby Guest » Sun Jul 26, 2009 5:50 am

Don't listen to what your relatives are saying. They don't know, and they don't understand. You know how people are: They talk even if they don't know what they're talking about. So don't listen.

Being scared is normal, but the people in that room have the same problems, the same concerns, and they are also scared of being judged or not understood. And you can always turn around and run like hell! :) However meetings are the best. You can relate with some people, you hear things that help you look at your problems in a different way, you realize you are not alone. Give it a try and let me know how it went.

Since you're officially out of drugs at home and since it's gonna suck big time, try a meeting, or two, or three. Serious. It's worth it.
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Re: Desperately Seeking Help

Unread postby subculture » Sun Aug 02, 2009 5:04 pm

It is difficult to take that first step in the NA but you should try nevertheless. People in those mts are very familiar with your story. For many of them it is exactly that. I often wondered on the mtgs if one of the speaking people were actually talking about me. That is how simillar stories are throughout. Believe me Girl. It will save your life. You have to change your ways otherwise your children will be orphans and suffering greatly if they already aren't. The addiction is a combination of genetic, society, places and things. Some people are naturally anxious and they never feel right until they get high. My family members, such as both of my uncle are dead because of alcohol. They were both my mother's brothers. One had a car accident in which he was killed intoxicated and the other hung himself because he suffered that much. I myself am an alcoholi and an addict. When alcohol was creating many problems for me including DUI's I began abusing prescription pills and other illicit drugs. I know withdraws are horrible. I ended up on heroin because oxycontin were too expansive. Then i had a overdose one day and almost died. It is a vicious cycle which outweighs the negative rather than positive. You know how you can tell if you are an addict? Ask yourself a question. DOES YOU DRUG USE INTERFERE WITH YOUR LIFE. If the answer is YES then you are a drug addict.

One thing is for sure. You have to aknolwlegde that you have a problem otherwise you will fall victim to the addiction's vicious power. The painkillers are very bad for your liver. They have a lot of tilenol which slowly dissolves your stomach and liver.. STOP>>
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Re: Desperately Seeking Help

Unread postby Guest » Mon Aug 03, 2009 6:10 am

Hello, I feel or should I say felt your pain for many many years. I understand the fears, the uncomfortability and the ego all attack when you want to get help for yourself. Having broken my neck in 1975 I have the ability to get just about any type of drug I'd like, at anytime. however, I have chosen not to. The pain passes and on occasion I take tylenol. For many years I fled my feelings afraid of what someone might think and then with the help of God and AA I realized that whatsome else thinks of me is none of my business. One way to help yourself, if you can't go to your first meeting would be to start reading the 12 steps and the BIg Book on the internet, in addition, there are online meetings. Lastly, as an option call NA or AA intergroup and tell them you need help, they will send another addict that has been through what you are going through to take you to a meeting. Try to remember the slogan, "this too shall pass" when you're feeling terrible, it works if you work it. Continue taking the first step, you are on your way, back to the land of the living.
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