Stuck

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Stuck

Unread postby ak76 » Thu Aug 06, 2009 9:26 am

I have no idea where to begin. It's been almost nine years of on and off drinking and drugging. I now have three weeks clean and feel like " holy crap what have I done". There is alot of damage. I often wonder if I can turn this ship around, and search for things to guide and motivate me. Thoughts of a life without drugs and alcohol keep me going. I find myself thinking about all of the things I used to do and loved to do before I drank. I want my life back. In the nine years I became somebody I am not. I was almost posessed by a selfish greedy hungry lush of a spirit, and it took everything I liked about life away from me. I took it from myself. I'm feeling angry about this. And now I am in a position where I am stuck under the rubble of those nine years and I want desperately to clean it up, the rubble. I feel like i can, more importantly I want to. Depression comes like a storm everyday, and when it does a loved one will say "you can't change your past". I don't want to. I want to get back to who I am and not make those same mistakes.
ak76
 

Re: Stuck

Unread postby Wayneo88@yahoo.com » Thu Aug 06, 2009 9:23 pm

Wow...I am in shock. I planned on writing almost the same exact thing tonight. It feels as if I have been in a war for the last 10 years. Ahead of me is victory, and I want to get there so bad. Behind me is the battlefield...a charred memory of burnt bridges, friends ive hurt, family ive lost. I feel guilt all the time. I dont know how to become the guy that they fell in love with before my addiction. I've been sober since July 11th..nearing my one month anniversary. Im scared every day..i have no job, no friends, no relationships with anyone other than my wife and kids. Trying to figure out where to go from here is constantly on my mind. I put myself in bad situations in life and to be alive today is a miracle. If i'd have died from one of my binges, my kids would have remembered their father as a weak man. A man that lost a battle to alcohol. I remember that everyday...I get through the day by knowing that I can still be their hero. I can show them how strong their dad is. I can do it for them, and I can do it for me. I hope you find your answers, and Id love to chat with you. Its only been 3 weeks for me, but I can see Victory on the horizon...If you look hard enough, i'm sure that you'll see it too.
Wayneo88@yahoo.com
 

Re: Stuck

Unread postby Guest » Fri Aug 07, 2009 3:57 am

Think about the present, think about the moment. That's all we have. Take one thing at a time, one emotion at a time, and you'll be fine. I'm not saying it's easy, I'm saying you'll be fine. You'll be able to "breathe" a little better each day. Keep in touch.
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Re: Stuck

Unread postby ms.j » Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:23 pm

i feel what your saying today is my 30th day but sober life has been lonrly because every body else i know gets high so i just read and cry! it has to get easyer... right?! I sure hope so!
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Re: Stuck

Unread postby jennytat2 » Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:24 pm

just take it one day at a time and all the stuff will get better. go to mettings, get a sponcer, find your hihger power and you will do fine. i know it is easier to say but i have been there and i promise it will get better.
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Re: Stuck

Unread postby sunset » Fri Sep 04, 2009 7:35 am

I am new and very scared.This is something that only happens to "other people". I am loosing everything, my kids hate me, my husband looks at me with such contempt. How do you start to help yourself.
sunset
 

Re: Stuck

Unread postby Guest » Tue Jul 05, 2011 3:37 pm

ak76 wrote:I have no idea where to begin. It's been almost nine years of on and off drinking and drugging. I now have three weeks clean and feel like " holy crap what have I done". There is alot of damage. I often wonder if I can turn this ship around, and search for things to guide and motivate me. Thoughts of a life without drugs and alcohol keep me going. I find myself thinking about all of the things I used to do and loved to do before I drank. I want my life back. In the nine years I became somebody I am not. I was almost posessed by a selfish greedy hungry lush of a spirit, and it took everything I liked about life away from me. I took it from myself. I'm feeling angry about this. And now I am in a position where I am stuck under the rubble of those nine years and I want desperately to clean it up, the rubble. I feel like i can, more importantly I want to. Depression comes like a storm everyday, and when it does a loved one will say "you can't change your past". I don't want to. I want to get back to who I am and not make those same mistakes.



I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING THIS MORNING.....HOW CAN I TURN AROUND EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER DONE OR SAID TO MAKE MYSELF AND OTHERS LOOK BAD....I HAVE EMBARRASSED MYSELF AND EVERYONE WHO LOVE ME.......HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE? I AM A GOOD PERSON SOBER AND A MONSTER DRUNK........I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHO I WAS.......AND PROBABLY STILL DONT


Last bumped by Anonymous on Tue Jul 05, 2011 3:37 pm.
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