I guess time doesnt heal

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I guess time doesnt heal

Unread postby Wayneo88@yahoo.com » Tue Aug 11, 2009 10:38 am

Today is my one month anniversary..been alcohol free for a month. Hooray, yipee, and all that other shit. Im tired of hearing everyone saying how proud they are of me. I'm dying inside. I thought I was in control, but I dont have that feeling anymore. I was sure that I was going to make it..a real success story. I dont even know what is wrong, I just have a nagging voice insode of me. I can pretend to be happy, but it is never heartfelt. I set out on this journey, because I didnt want to die an alcoholic. I wanted to leave a nice memory for my kids instead of a bad one. Now, I just want to leave..just go. If there is a God, i'm not hearing from him. He just isnt answering me. I've come to the belief that if there is a God, he is mean and cruel...and I want no part of him. I cant believe in the bible because all the stories make no sense to me. If god flooded the earth because he didnt like that way things were going, where the heck is he now? Our world is worse than ever. The bible talks about all the times God and Jesus were on the earth...how come they cant stop by once in awhile anymore. There just isnt a God..so salvation is out of the question. My biggest problem with suicide was always the fear of the wrath of God...I have no fears anymore, i'll be cremated and sent to the bottom of a lake. If your God isnt too busy, maybe you could have him drop by for coffee this morning ??
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Re: I guess time doesnt heal

Unread postby John » Tue Aug 11, 2009 8:53 pm

Wayneo88@yahoo.com wrote:Today is my one month anniversary..been alcohol free for a month. Hooray, yipee, and all that other shit. Im tired of hearing everyone saying how proud they are of me. I'm dying inside.


Wayne, congratulations on the first month. But... how long have you've been drinking compared with how long you have been sober. Give it time. Obviously there is no miracle cure.

You probably spent years upon years drinking, your body, mind and spirit need time to heal. An analogy can be made to being in a coma for years. When you wake up, you can't expect not to be confused, disoriented, scared, angry, resentful. Consider this an awakening. Accept the feelings for what they are.

Time does heal everything. Remember falling in love with someone who later broke up with you? The pain that you thought would never go away. We'll it did. With time. But not by sitting alone in your room, dwelling on what you lost, but by going on with life. Good experiences do come along again.

The bad times you are going through now would only be worse if you were smashed off your ass. Think about that.
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Re: I guess time doesnt heal

Unread postby qstorm85 » Wed Aug 12, 2009 8:15 am

Wayne, I had been drinking hard for 20 yrs. I got pancreatitus back in 2002. I still drank till Feb 26 2009. I simple got tired of living that life. To much pain was involved in using,I lost to much. Did you reach that point? I loved drinking when it worked for me, but it turned on me. How could my best friend turn on me, and then kick me while i was down. Drinking became something I had to do, no longer enjoying it .I'm an addict i can't drink. It does get better. Sorry, I am not going to lie, it takes time, it's different for everybody. I can Promise you this, the haze will lift. You well see things long term, not just feel good today. Your Dreams, goals, relationships, health, confidence, the way you look. Everything Gets Better sober. I still have problems, but now i deal with them, and not run to a bottle. And I only control myself, Can't change others. Ohh ya you don't have to believe in god, i think some of the stories in the bible are ridiculous. Just believe that something bigger then yourself, will stop the insanity. Hang in there. 24 hours at a time,
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Re: I guess time doesnt heal

Unread postby joep54321 » Fri Aug 14, 2009 6:43 am

Unfortunately I am with Wayne at this point. I have been going to meetings for 2 weeks and it has not been getting any easier. I think the same way if idie get cremated and I am gone. Drinking has lead me to the point where for the people in my life I am financially better off dead then alive for them and a hell of a lot less of a burden since I will probably be on house arrest and then no license for 1-1 1/2 yr.
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Re: I guess time doesnt heal

Unread postby Guest » Sat Aug 15, 2009 5:15 am

I'm with John on that point. Come on guys, do you really think it's gonna get better after going to meeting for 2 weeks? Everything takes time. How long have you been drinking? It's like a diet. People have put on weight for 20 years, they go on a diet and they want to lose it all in a month. it doesn't work that way, whether God exists or not.

And talking about God, what does he/she has to do with this? You're in control of your own life. If you decide to get drunk, it's your decision. I don't see God in that process. It's called FREE WILL and you can screw up as much as you want and then you can also blame God for Poor You because "God is mean and cruel". But why have the courage to take responsibility for your own actions when when it's easier to blame it on God or society or your spouse. Wake up guys.
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Re: I guess time doesnt heal

Unread postby joep54321 » Sat Aug 15, 2009 9:13 am

Hey Guest,
You are right. I screwed up last night and ended up getting smashed. I didn't see god sitting there pooring me drinks. I did it all by myself. I am to blame no one else. I hate feeling the way I do today and the things I remember doing and not remember doing last night. I am going to attack this demon of mine once again with a fresh start. Its the depression thing that is really killing me inside. I went from having the world by the balls about 8 years ago to having nothing now. I lost my wife and daughter 8 years ago. and I am in the process of losing everything fininacially at this point in time. this is where it gets hard.....
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Re: I guess time doesnt heal

Unread postby Guest » Sun Aug 16, 2009 8:36 am

Hey man, relapsing is also part of the process, and it's okay. The only thing is you have to get back up again, and again, and again.

There's a great video on youtube that you may want to watch. The guy's name is Nick Vujicic, it's a story of courage and determination. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rC08lftikK0
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Re: I guess time doesnt heal

Unread postby Wayneo88@yahoo.com » Tue Aug 18, 2009 10:50 am

My name is Jennifer, I am Wayne's wife. He is gone...thank you for your support. I just found this page while looking through his computer.
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Re: I guess time doesnt heal

Unread postby joep54321 » Tue Aug 18, 2009 10:08 pm

Oh my god Jennifer I am so sorry. My prayers are with you>
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Re: I guess time doesnt heal

Unread postby newbie2 » Sun Aug 23, 2009 12:28 am

OMG, this is so depressing. I thought Wayne was depressed when I read his post. And that's what killed him. He's probably been drinking to dampen those feelings for all those years. I feel so bad for him and his family, especially Jennifer.

Is this what we have to look forward to? All of those feelings of depression gaining strength like a tornado building to a devastating ending? That is what I have been going through lately. If so, being sober is not all it is cracked up to be. But then again, neither was living drunk. So what is the answer?....For me, I am clinging to psychotherapy and antidepressants, which work much better now that I'm not drinking. They don't take away all the pain, but maybe that's what I need to learn to deal with bettter. Again, my heart goes out to you, Jennifer.
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Re: I guess time doesnt heal

Unread postby joep54321 » Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:09 am

Hey Newbie,
I am new also only about 1 month. I have not been sober the whole month but I am working in it. I have 8 days as of today Monday 8-24 -09 and this is the first weekend in 30 yrs that I did not pick up a drink. I think like you and Wayne at times also but then I realize that drinking is not going to make anything better. It's not going to help my DUI case. It's not going to help my finances, only put me more in depth from buying booze. It will not help my job situation, i need to stay focused. It will not help my family situation. Who wants to be around a drunk. Believe me I think like wayne did at times also but then I try and take a deep breath. As I am trying every day to hang in and not do anything stupid you do the same.
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Re: I guess time doesnt heal

Unread postby newbie2 » Tue Sep 01, 2009 11:03 pm

Congrats on the time you have and your first sober weekend. It's all relative. I was able to go to see my psychiatrist today and tell her I haven't had a drink in a month. That was a good feeling. And my mood is improving. If you can, try and remind yourself that the bad feelings pass. And try and take it moment by moment if you can. Sometimes even one day at a time is too long. Eventually, there's gotta be some room made for some good feelings. Hang in there and thanks for the words of encouragement. You helped me a lot by sharing.
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Re: I guess time doesnt heal

Unread postby joep54321 » Wed Sep 02, 2009 3:46 pm

newbie,
thanks for the post. I have 17 days as of today. The only problem is, for as good and better as I feel , life just keeps throwing more and more shit at me and when your sober all of a sudden everything is a reality. I am just starting to experience alot of panic and anxiety now that I see the whole world and whats going on alot clearer. I can't hide behind the everything looks good lense of the bottom of an empty bottle of booze. I am trying to hit meetings on a daily basis and share,. it seems to take away the pain if even for a moment.
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Re: I guess time doesnt heal

Unread postby newbie2 » Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:22 pm

Hi Joep,
So glad to see your post today. I had a helluva day and really felt like going out for a six pack or a bottle of something, but I didn't, and my spouse is not being as supportive as could be, which sucks. You are right about all the shit life throwing you/us being clearer without alcohol. Life does that a lot. We are just, for our own personal reasons, learning how to deal with that shit that has been there all along. When we were drinking we weren't dealing with the shit, just dulling the pain and creating more shit for ourselves in the meantime. As for the panic and anxiety, have you thought about prescribed medication? It can take the edge off. Keep the faith. Chat soon.
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Re: I guess time doesnt heal

Unread postby joep54321 » Fri Sep 04, 2009 11:38 am

newbie,
glad to hear that you were able to over come the urge STAY STRONG one day at a time. My spouse is not supportive either. She is a drinker herself. Last week she must have asked me 3 times after she was half in the bag if I was still good or if I wanted a beer. She also thinks AA is some kind of a cult. She spoke to a addict counsler who I think does not know her ass from a hole in the ground and she told her that people with addictive personalities go from being addicted to alcoho; and drugs to being addicted to AA meetings which then take over their life. Its never easy/ Well the weekend is here unfortunately its a long holiday weekend which is my toughest time of all but I am going to take 1 day at a time and stay sober. Have a nice sober holiday.
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