devastation of daughters heroin addiction

This forum is for family and friends of people who are addicted to drugs
Forum rules
Please consider replying to an existing message. It only takes a minute and you may help someone else in need. A simple word of encouragement goes a long way.

devastation of daughters heroin addiction

Unread postby juliab » Fri Sep 04, 2009 11:25 am

I learned about a month ago that my 28 year old daughter was in a methadone treatment program for heroin addiction. I knew she was having difficulty in her life ( I thought it was about her marriage) but the multiple times I asked her what was going on and that I would not judge or be angry with her she denied anything was wrong. I can't put into words the devastation I feel. This is a young woman who is very accomplished and her whole life was filled with successes. She excelled at school, was successful in her career, and had the ideal wedding just two years ago with dreams of starting of family. Now for me I am forced to see her differently and am losing hope for her to achieve her life dreams and mine to ever come true because of this awful disease and her poor choices.

I know from other family members who have experienced addiction how abusive it feels to family members but I had no idea that having my only daughter go through this would be so devastating for me. It feels like the daughter I knew has died and the grief never gets better. When my daughter was born I looked into her eyes and saw me and I had real hope that her life would not be as difficult as mine and I committed to making that happen. However, it seems this is not to be her story....and I guess I am grieving the loss of the story that she would have a happy life which is what I want for her most and would do anything to make that happen. But I know I can't.

Right now she does not stay in touch with me very often. I have offered to help financially for counseling for her and/or her husband. I call her but she continues to not give me information about how she is doing and frankly because she lied so often before I'm having a hard time believing her. I am trying to give her space to heal from this addiction but I'm also always wondering how much space is healthy and when should I be concerned for her safety. It's so hard to know what to do I seem to get frozen and find myself not doing anything.

If anyone out there has advice I would welcome it. I'm very familiar with the concept of enabling and of course I don't want to do this. I'm looking more for advice on what has worked for others in similar circumstances and how one copes with having an adult child who suddenly becomes an addict.
juliab
 

Re: devastation of daughters heroin addiction

Unread postby Guest » Sat Sep 05, 2009 5:29 pm

Julia, I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. It's one thing for a person to put themselves through hell, but it is really unthinkable that they put other people in their lives through hell.

Sometimes I think it would be best if the family just said fine, you want to do this to yourself. Go ahead. Obviously you could care a rat's ass about us when you are high. Call us when you are straight and want help. We Love You, but not for who you have become.
Guest
 

Re: devastation of daughters heroin addiction

Unread postby barb1 » Sun Sep 06, 2009 10:59 am

Perhaps because you said "treatment center" I have hope for your daughter. Just because she's on methadone doesn't mean she's a hopeless herion addict. Yeah, she had to go there first to get to the methadone treatment center, but there are people who do recover on methadone. I'm one of them. I go to meetings everyday and have a sponsor and we are both in medically assisted addiction treatment (methadone). She has over 6 years clean of illicit drugs and I have 1 1/2. I'm very proud of both myself and my sponsor. My parents were both totally against my going on methadone, but are now very proud of me and my recovery. Yes, I am still on methadone, but I'm on a very low dose (not that the dose matters). I was a heroin addict for decades before I got on methadone maintenance TREATMENT, and am very proud of my accomplishments since getting into treatment. I wasn't working before getting into treatment and now have 2 part time jobs and 1 volunteer job, all this while I am collecting SSD for bi-polar disorder. I work in the mental health field as a certified peer specialist and am now helping other people with problems like me to recover from these devistating diseases. My supervisors are aware and supportive of my methadone treatment.

I tried so many rehabs that I lost count. They didn't work, because I wasn't ready to quit at that time. You're lucky your daughter is so young and still has her whole life in front of her. I'm probably older than you, but it took me that long to finally get into recovery. I finally had to get tired of being sick and tired. My sponsor read me yesterday's daily reflections (a recovery book that has a thought and prayer for each day of the year), and it said basically that we (addicts) are not BAD people - we are SICK people with the disease of addiction. This disease can be arrested and RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE.

So, be HAPPY she is in TREATMENT, and not living in the streets looking for money each and every day to get her fix. And SUPPORT her on her journey to recovery. It's very important to have support when you are in recovery. I'm NOT saying to enable her. If she is serious about recovery, you'll be able to tell. Because the lies will stop when recovery starts. They are no longer necessary. I don't blame you for doubting her honesty right now, but in time, if she's doing the right thing, that trust will return. Today, my parents and I have a GREAT relationship, and I thank God for that each and every day.
barb1
 

Re: devastation of daughters heroin addiction

Unread postby Guest » Sun Sep 06, 2009 5:02 pm

No one has the magic answer for parents of addicts. There are, however, so many good books that will give you insight into how to help yourself, which will also help them. A few of the books I have read and found valuable information are listed below. You can find them at most online bookstores.

1. Beautiful Boy
2. Stay Close
3. Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children
4. Co-Dependent No More

I was a control nut. I just knew I could change my son. If it were only that easy! Little did I realize that control is a form of co-dependency.

I feel for you. I was in your shoes feeling the desparation and out-of-control life. You can change. You can find peace. I found mine when I gave my burden to the Lord and realized it's in his hands! We only see the here and now, but God sees the BIG picture!

Hopefully, the above publications may help. Also, Nar-Anon has been a big support. It's helpful to talk to people in your situations. There is strength in that.

May you find your peace in the midst of your storm.
Guest
 

Re: devastation of daughters heroin addiction

Unread postby cwt » Mon Sep 07, 2009 5:41 pm

Everybody has hope so dont lose it for your only daughter. I really dont know her history, only what you have told so breifly in your post. To let you know I too am a recovering heroin addict. I say Recovering because I will always be recovering. We as Drug addicts always have that in us. You say you are trying to give her the space to heal...well then you simply have to do that. All the lies she has told you in the past are just that...in the past. give her time and space and she will come back to you. remember this isnt about you...its about her. Aside from locking her in your basement, there is nothing you can do but pray and let her know you are there. Meditation and Prayer keeps me strong every day. a good book maybe right now woudl be "the power of Now"...Eklhart Tolle or maybe something by Pia Melody who is an expert with many books on Co-Dependence. Just get her one and send it to her. or Drop it off and just say how PROUD you are that she is getting help. Good Luck and remember...it takes time and dont ever give up.


with understading,

Another Addict
cwt
 

Re: devastation of daughters heroin addiction

Unread postby I AM ALSO A DEVASTATED MOTHER OF A HEROIN DAUGHTER AND MORE! » Fri Oct 02, 2009 7:47 pm

juliab wrote:I learned about a month ago that my 28 year old daughter was in a methadone treatment program for heroin addiction. I knew she was having difficulty in her life ( I thought it was about her marriage) but the multiple times I asked her what was going on and that I would not judge or be angry with her she denied anything was wrong. I can't put into words the devastation I feel. This is a young woman who is very accomplished and her whole life was filled with successes. She excelled at school, was successful in her career, and had the ideal wedding just two years ago with dreams of starting of family. Now for me I am forced to see her differently and am losing hope for her to achieve her life dreams and mine to ever come true because of this awful disease and her poor choices.

I know from other family members who have experienced addiction how abusive it feels to family members but I had no idea that having my only daughter go through this would be so devastating for me. It feels like the daughter I knew has died and the grief never gets better. When my daughter was born I looked into her eyes and saw me and I had real hope that her life would not be as difficult as mine and I committed to making that happen. However, it seems this is not to be her story....and I guess I am grieving the loss of the story that she would have a happy life which is what I want for her most and would do anything to make that happen. But I know I can't.

Right now she does not stay in touch with me very often. I have offered to help financially for counseling for her and/or her husband. I call her but she continues to not give me information about how she is doing and frankly because she lied so often before I'm having a hard time believing her. I am trying to give her space to heal from this addiction but I'm also always wondering how much space is healthy and when should I be concerned for her safety. It's so hard to know what to do I seem to get frozen and find myself not doing anything.

If anyone out there has advice I would welcome it. I'm very familiar with the concept of enabling and of course I don't want to do this. I'm looking more for advice on what has worked for others in similar circumstances and how one copes with having an adult child who suddenly becomes an addict.
I AM ALSO A DEVASTATED MOTHER OF A HEROIN DAUGHTER AND MORE!
 

Re: devastation of daughters heroin addiction

Unread postby cuda02 » Thu May 27, 2010 2:04 pm

I am right where you are juliab. My 24 year old daughter is in rehab for heroin addiction. I too am new at this, but I have found that my spirituality helps alot and also talking to other parents. I cant make it to alot of al anon meetings because of my job. If you want to talk e-mail me lhoma@comcast.net and we will swap numbers
cuda02
Registered User
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed May 19, 2010 1:14 pm

Re: devastation of daughters heroin addiction

Unread postby bzimmy415 » Sun Jul 18, 2010 8:09 am

I just want to say, I am also a mother of an addict. My daughter has two small children and for a very long time I have suspected something. From her behaviors, fights with her boyfriend, ppl she spends time with, times of day and night she runs around etc. Well, she would never admit she used, of course she didnt and how dare I accuse her.
She and her boyfriend seperated and she and her children came to live with myself and my younger daughter. I believed she was going to get herself together and do what she needed to work and take care of her children. Well....then it started before she even got back. Her soon to be new b/f was helping her move out of the house she was living in with her family. Her childrens father had already left and the lease was up. She would drop her kids off at 9pm or so no matter how many times I would tell her that was unacceptable and I had work in the morning and would also work at home. She would claim they had to move things. This went on for about 2 wks until the electric in the house was turned off as the lease was up.
Once they got to my house the running was on and she and her new b/f, whom I didnt want in my home would go out almost every night. Well, it went on and on
Until her caseworker said her urine test was positive for some drug, of course due to confidentiality they cant say what it was but she was no longer to be alone with her children. We, meaning myself and my sister and my ex either had to come up with a plan or the children would be placed. I said I would take custody as long as she went inpatient. ok, so she agreed to go inpatient,still telling me she isnt an addict that she acts the way she does because I make her by telling her to take care of her children etc.
So she is inpatient almost a week, the children are with me. I dont know how long they will be with me, I havent heard whether my emergency custody is granted or not. I am not getting much help with that with the caseworker and I work full time and I think it is wearing on all concerned.
I also have not heard from counselor or anything just one call from my daughter telling me what she needs me to bring or send.
I am still angry, my younger daughter, my son and myself have been stolen from and lied to for years. I dont think it will be good for her to come here after the rehab center as this is where all her old ppl, places and things are. I really am not ready to have her do anything but go into halfway and work on herself.
so....that is my story as I can tell it right now and by the way... I am not even sure what her drug of choice is--I have been told by some ppl what she does but never by her. thank you for listening.
bzimmy415
Registered User
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2010 11:06 am


Return to Family and Friends - Drug Addiction

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests

cron