Alcoholic & Newborn - Need encoragement & advice -

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Alcoholic & Newborn - Need encoragement & advice -

Unread postby TiredNStressed » Sun Sep 13, 2009 11:45 am

Hi. I'm really stressed and don't know what to do and was  hoping someone could give me some advice... My boyfriend is an alcoholic.  
Sometimes he admits it and says he needs help but when it comes down  
to it won't take help or help himself. Other times he denies it and  
blames everyone and everything for his drinking which he says there's  
nothing wrong with drinking and getting drunk every night. Often  
justifying it since he's sober on the two nights a week when he has to  
go to work early. Anyway I've just about given up... I can't kiss him  
anymore because he always smells like alcohol... can't sleep in the  
same bed because I can't stand the smell on his breath and there's no  
telling when he'll pee the bed. He often takes off walking and/or  
driving drunk. Not even to get more alcohol... Just to leave...  
Leaving me alone constantly with our 5 week old baby girl. He promised  
through my whole pregnancy he'd quit. Then it was "I'll quit when you  
have the baby" all broken promises and lies. He even gets so
drunk he'll call those datelines... I don't know if he's ever  
cheated... One thing though... He'll often get in my face to kiss and  
talk to our newborn and when I tell him to get out of our face he says  
our daughter doesn't care that he smells like beer and she doesn't  
know he's drunk... He won't be like his dad (he already is) he'll quit  
drinking when she's old enough to know. I don't know what else to do.  
He says he drinks. 3 24 oz a night. I know that's a lie... He can't  
possibly get as drunk as he does off that. Several nights I've heard  
the 5th or 6th can open but he will lie to my face. He'll stay up till  
5 or 6 am drinking... Then sleeps all day... Goes to work the next  
morning from 3am to 1030 comes home... Sleeps all day... Wakes up...  
Drinks and the cycle repeats. I get no help with this baby... I'm  
practically a single mom... The money he brings in covers hardly  
anything... I pay the bills... It's more or less like getting child  
support from him. He likes to bring up my marriage with my ex  
constantly... saying things like "now I know why he left you" (I left  
him... He knows nothing about my marriage... Just gossip from others)  
or he'll try to say "at least I don't take pills like he did" things  
along those lines when he doesn't even know my ex or anything about  
him... Which that's probably irrelevant and the least of problems.  
I've kicked him out and broke up with him... Only for him to refuse to  
leave and then beg for forgiveness. He's on the lease so legally  
there's nothing I can do. I have no where else to go... And like last night he takes off in the car at 3am to get cigarettes... Normally he'll be gone till about 6... Oddly enough he comes right back... At 5am he is sitting out in the car he calls my cell phone and says "You want me to come in I'll be in in a minute baby... Will you come help me in so I can go to bed... Help me to bed" I tell him I cant I've got the baby on my arm... I tell him I cant continue living like this... staying up till 6 am worryin about him till he goes to bed and I know hes ok and its safe for me to go to bed... Ive got a baby to worry about so he gets pissed threatens to take off and I hear him start the car up... I tell him I dont care anymore and hang up... He shuts the car off... He also threatened to pass out in the rain... If hes "too drunk" to get himself to bed then hows he not too drunk to take off? He says he is too drunk to drive... Hopes he wrecks it would be my fault... Or itd be my fault if he gets a DWI. After going to bed and waking up at 730 to feed the baby I go outside and hes asleep in the car I wake him and he asks why I let him pass out in the car...All of this is a typical night for us. Today everything will be ok hell go to work tonight and get off... Then be drunk again tomorrow treating me like crap. Were also starting to fight more during the day because I can say what I need while he's sober and the anger and frustrations from the previous night build over into the next day... Is the pathological lying (I didnt even get into
that... He lies about any and everything... Hes told me his friend was a cop.. I later learned he doesnt even have a job... Hes called me freaking out drunk and told me he got bit by a dog and needed to go to tbe ER... Could I come get him... He knew I didnt have a car butthat was a lie anyway... Hes said hes drove his car off a cliff and couldnt breathe was lying there bleeding... Obviously a lie... And theres so much more) anyway... Is the lying and attention seeking a part of the alcoholism or is it all some kind of mental problem he has? But he won't get help either way! It really angers me for him to act as if it doesnt matter now because shes only a newborn... Sorry this was so long but I really needed to get it out... I really dont know what to do anymore and need some advice...

Re: Alcoholic & Newborn - Need encoragement & advice -

Unread postby Guest » Mon Sep 14, 2009 7:04 am

Delete this guy from your life and from your baby's life. He's an alcoholic. What else do you expect from him???? He's majorly toxic, and you should not tolerate him near you or your baby. Pack your stuff, and go away.

Re: Alcoholic & Newborn - Need encoragement & advice -

Unread postby Guest » Fri Sep 18, 2009 10:02 pm

Ask yourself if you are taking care of YOU in this situation. He won't change or get help unless he wants to so you need to give up on trying to reason with him, save him, fix him or rescue him. Even if you think you are doing all you can by constantly fighting him, you are not going to find the magic words to reason with an alcoholic. Stop making him make you promises he isn't able to keep, it only hurts you. He uses his problem to guilt to manipulate you. This is part of being an alcoholic. The only thing you have contol over is YOU. Don't let him manipulate you by staying. I think you should leave and get some help for yourself. There are meetings for family members who live with or who have been effected by alcoholics. Find a meeting, reach out to others and maybe you can get strong enough to get out of the situation before that baby of your does know what is going on. And if he starts in with how he can't live without you just think about how he's living with you. Staying won't save him from himself. Save your sanity and your baby's future.

Re: Alcoholic & Newborn - Need encoragement & advice -

Unread postby ruffian » Sat Sep 19, 2009 8:22 am

Get to an alanon meeting as fast as you can, and keep going!!! You will learn how to better take care of yourself and your baby. He is not your responsibility-- You didn't cause it, you can't cure it!! Alanon saved my life, and helped me make a better life for my young girls.

Re: Alcoholic & Newborn - Need encoragement & advice -

Unread postby suez » Thu Nov 05, 2009 6:34 pm

Please get as far away from him as possible...if not for yourself, for your little girl. I am a 45 year-old adult child of an alcoholic. The issues that I carried into adulthood stem mostly from being raised in such an environment. Your baby does not deserve that!

Re: Alcoholic & Newborn - Need encoragement & advice -

Unread postby anon-am » Tue Nov 17, 2009 9:10 pm

I am so sorry for you and your baby. Your story reminded me of my life with an alcoholic. Al-anon saved my life!!! There are meetings everywhere anhe and you can bring your baby. But you need to make arrangements NOW to move out. He's a full-blown alcoholic. Its not your fault and you are not responsible for him. Ignore everything he says and ignore those threats. He doesnt remember it. Please leave him while hes passed out and take the car. I will pray for you and your precious baby!! Lots of love and peace.

Re: Alcoholic & Newborn - Need encoragement & advice -

Unread postby DaveyBlue » Fri Nov 20, 2009 1:24 am

The biggest problem your having is that you are expecting that he won't lie. He doesn't have the ability to be honest. reread that line and under stand that he can not live with out lieing to you and to himself. Get a restraining order to make him leave and protect you and kid from this kind of behavior. Stop dating the bad boy type and get your shit together. Your actions are going to effect that child for the rest of it's life no matter what, but you can make it better. When he's sober for more then a year, then may be you can trust him a little, but remember that all alcoholics are natural liers, they can not help themselves.

Good luck and GOD Bless, David

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