juliab wrote:I learned about a month ago that my 28 year old daughter was in a methadone treatment program for heroin addiction. I knew she was having difficulty in her life ( I thought it was about her marriage) but the multiple times I asked her what was going on and that I would not judge or be angry with her she denied anything was wrong. I can't put into words the devastation I feel. This is a young woman who is very accomplished and her whole life was filled with successes. She excelled at school, was successful in her career, and had the ideal wedding just two years ago with dreams of starting of family. Now for me I am forced to see her differently and am losing hope for her to achieve her life dreams and mine to ever come true because of this awful disease and her poor choices.
I know from other family members who have experienced addiction how abusive it feels to family members but I had no idea that having my only daughter go through this would be so devastating for me. It feels like the daughter I knew has died and the grief never gets better. When my daughter was born I looked into her eyes and saw me and I had real hope that her life would not be as difficult as mine and I committed to making that happen. However, it seems this is not to be her story....and I guess I am grieving the loss of the story that she would have a happy life which is what I want for her most and would do anything to make that happen. But I know I can't.
Right now she does not stay in touch with me very often. I have offered to help financially for counseling for her and/or her husband. I call her but she continues to not give me information about how she is doing and frankly because she lied so often before I'm having a hard time believing her. I am trying to give her space to heal from this addiction but I'm also always wondering how much space is healthy and when should I be concerned for her safety. It's so hard to know what to do I seem to get frozen and find myself not doing anything.
If anyone out there has advice I would welcome it. I'm very familiar with the concept of enabling and of course I don't want to do this. I'm looking more for advice on what has worked for others in similar circumstances and how one copes with having an adult child who suddenly becomes an addict.
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