You are never alone, do you have numbers. Go to your closest meeting raise your hand and tell them I am... I am an addict and I need some numbers. They will come and give you some love hugs, and a meeting list with some phone numbers.
The disease is talking to you, because you won't talk back!! Talk Back, recite the serenity prayer. the disease hates that prayer with a passion. That prayer shows the disease it has no control, the control is now in the care of a GOD of your understanding.
We all have been in your shoes at one time or another, recovery is not easy and we need one another to get thru times such as this, don't leave before the miracle happens, and it will you just have to have faith to know this too shall pass, it's only a feeling, and if you reach out and use the phone, you will see this feeling will indeed pass, and you have survived another day, a CLEAN DAY! I love you, until we Chat again