Existing not living and barely surviving

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Existing not living and barely surviving

Unread postby existingbarelysurviving » Sun Aug 02, 2009 6:26 pm

I am new to this sight, but I know I am in desperate need of some help... I can't seem to stop using! I drill it into my head over and over and I still seem to pick up that damn phone. My drug of choice is cocaine powder or rock. I know it is killing me but the urge is too strong. I live in seclusion and I was never like that pre-cocaine. My husband passed last year also due to the effects of cocaine, and the only thing that numbs my brain from greiving is this stinken drug. It sounds sick you would think one would stop after that but the truth I can't and I don't know why. I hate but I love it. It really is the only thing I know anymore. It's almost a skill to hide, which makes it more exciting to me. Please Help... Nobody knows what I am doing to myself and I am terribly afraid for people to find out. Any advice?
existingbarelysurviving
 

Re: Existing not living and barely surviving

Unread postby SM » Mon Aug 03, 2009 11:40 am

I feel for you. I'm only 22 years old and have been on cocaine for the last three years. I recently tried to stop and relapsed after only a couple of months. Hang in there, go to a meeting and try it out. I felt like I could only survive ON the drug, but now I know I can only survive off of it. Be good to yourself. The freedom I felt when I was off of it was like a ton lifted from my shoulders. You can do this
SM
 

Re: Existing not living and barely surviving

Unread postby ari » Thu Oct 01, 2009 3:58 pm

i understand where youre coming from im also only 22 and i spent a good portion of two years a slave to cocaine, i was doing it daily and i was selling it so needless to say i was doing a whole lot of it and doing it every single day. when i did decide to quit i was lucky enough that i was able to quit cold turkey and though i've relapsed since its only been in a social recreational setting which doesnt make it ok but i havent bought it since and when i have relapsed on it i havent felt the need to do it again afterwards like i normally would have sometimes doing just one line makes me realize that i dont even want to do it or need to do it and i wont touch it all anymore. everybodys different though for me i couldnt stop doing percocets no matter how hard i tried i just kept on doing it ive since started taking suboxone and im starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. its really hard especially when youre alone and you feel like no one else is there or understands or could possibly know how you feel or have felt, but youve seen first hand with your husband what can happen. find something else to do with your time try doing things that you normally wouldnt do things that are healthy and make you feel alive again so that youll start to remember what it felt like to get high without drugs again. going to meetings also really does help everyone in there has gone through what youre going through in one way or another with ur drug of choice or another but in the end were all addicts to something trying to figure it out just like you and it helps.
ari
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Re: Existing not living and barely surviving

Unread postby babyblue » Sun Oct 04, 2009 5:31 pm

existingbarelysurviving wrote:I am new to this sight, but I know I am in desperate need of some help... I can't seem to stop using! I drill it into my head over and over and I still seem to pick up that damn phone. My drug of choice is cocaine powder or rock. I know it is killing me but the urge is too strong. I live in seclusion and I was never like that pre-cocaine. My husband passed last year also due to the effects of cocaine, and the only thing that numbs my brain from greiving is this stinken drug. It sounds sick you would think one would stop after that but the truth I can't and I don't know why. I hate but I love it. It really is the only thing I know anymore. It's almost a skill to hide, which makes it more exciting to me. Please Help... Nobody knows what I am doing to myself and I am terribly afraid for people to find out. Any advice?

hi im not new but i did relapse 4 monthes ago so i have 4 monthes clean it is not easy its real hard.but if u really want it u can do it.do it for your husband.u can call me anytime email lauraskelly@ymail.com b strong
babyblue
 

Re: Existing not living and barely surviving

Unread postby Shady » Fri Mar 12, 2010 4:36 pm

I am new to this site also and am on methadone and in a program. I'm not big on 12 step but i don't knock it. I understand because until just recently I've been just existing, barely living and thats while staying mostly sober. You need to talk about it and not just that but do something about it too. Try detox, outpaitient therapy, or try NA meetings just to meet some drug addicts that know where you are and can understand you. Not telling, just suggesting. Good Luck,we all need it. :)
Shady
 

Re: Existing not living and barely surviving

Unread postby O V Z » Thu Mar 25, 2010 8:15 am

FOR MYSELF AND READING OVER THE REPLYS I ALLSO SUGGEST A "DETOX" IF YOU CANT DO DETOX GET AHOLD OF A HOT LINE AND LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE ON THE OTHER END ( BUT REALLY IF YOU CAN GET INTO BUILDING 50 THEN YOU BETTER GO BECAUSE THIS THING IS NO RESPECTFOR ANYBODY AND YOU WONT GET OFF IT UNTILL YOU DO SOMTHINFG ABOUT IT "NOW " YOU DONT HAVE TO DO THE 12 STEPS BUT IF YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY IN A CLEAN LIFE AND ENJOY LIFE ON LIFS TERMS THEN GET INTO A 12 STEP PROGRAM IF YOU JUST WANT TO GET CLEAN AND BE SPOON FEED ALL YOUR LIFE, JUST KEEP GOING IN AND OUT OF THE DETOX"S IT WILL DEFENITLY GET YOU CLEAN FOR A PERIOD AT A TIME "SO" CHOISE IS YOURS DO YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY OR DO YOU WANT TO EXSISCT, GOOD LUCK JUST TO LET YOU KNOW THE LATTER ONE IS THE HAPPIEST ONE. LOV YA
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