waterboy50 wrote:"Forgiveness is the fragrence that the violet sheds, on the heel that crushed it." If you have a higher power I would pray my ass off the he would change my way way of thinking and change my expectations. you are doomed to dissapointment forever if you don't. It's no longer about what your parents do or don't do, it's about how you react to situations. today it's your parents tomorrow it's someone else. Resenment is like acid that does way more harm to the vessel that carries it than it does to what it's poured on. Surrender to the fight, you don't have to fight it anymore and become the flower that you always have been but just didn't know it. You can do it.
I've already been to the forgiveness and non-expectation well, long ago. I forgave them beating and belittling me an for raising me to feel worthless, telling myself that they didn't know any better and most likely were abused as well, and I let pass stuff that I knew I couldn't change. But they are now outright attacking me, now, with me over 8 years sober.
A situation has recently arisen where what remains of my family (I lost one brother to this disease in 2004 at age 50, and other to AIDS in 1986 at age 33) has decided that I'm not doing enough for a sister with breast cancer who has been a nasty bitch to me for years. First of all, it's not true, I told her I was here fo rher. But because of something that my mother and siser have been ticked off over for three years, my mother is not only siding with her, but feeding her accusations, and they are ALL throwing stuff that may or may not have occured during my drinking days, and acting like I am the worst drunk in the family which is a joke. My husband (not an alcoholic) and I have taken a lot of crap over the years, and sometimes AA principles just aren't the answer.
I know I should be reacting differently, but I just can't take it anymore. And there's no surrender, there's only retreat, and total detachment from them. And the ironic part of if is, even though I KNOW I'm right, that detachement is the only answer, I'm upset because I don't want to hurt THEIR FEELINGS!