teenage daughters

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teenage daughters

Unread postby once a cool mom » Fri Sep 03, 2010 1:57 pm

I have been trying to reamain sober the whole month of august. My daughter told me I was nicer on the days that I did drink. needless to say I went back and overboard. we got into a fight, she left. My husband and I thought she needed some down time so we let her go.(this is the short version) She is refusing to come home and has called children services on me. I have been completely sober 8 days and am attending my first meeting tonight. How can I rebuild this family without her? She use to tell me everything and now I cant even see her. I am truely lost without her.
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Re: teenage daughters

Unread postby beenthroughit » Sat Sep 04, 2010 8:32 am

Listen, you're going to have to give it time. Just make sure you concentrate on helping yourself and give your daughter a little time to calm down. My mom was an alcoholic and i wound up in a group home, at first i hated her.... then i just plain old missed her. your daughter feels like she doesnt have a mom and she misses you so badly you cant imagine. All kids want is for their parent to love them and be there for them. you cant be there for her if youre drunk. give her a call just to see whats up and tell her you love her. that goes a long way. make sure she knows you mean it by not quitting. Spend some mom/daughter time together, even if its doing something like oin to the park. She'd love if you just sit and listen to her ramble about her problems. i know you can do it, you obviously love her so much if youre posting on here. Good luck, and you'll get your family back if you want it i promise!! xo
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Re: teenage daughters

Unread postby billyh » Sun Sep 05, 2010 7:29 pm

It may sound cliche but just keep trying. its worth it. dont focus on her. Focus on staying sober and other things will fall in line as their meant to. I have been sober for 15 years now but it took me a while in the beginning to get a hold of this. just keep coming to meetings. take suggestions. dont drink and pray pray pray. keep coming even if you dont see the results
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Re: teenage daughters

Unread postby sobermom » Tue Sep 07, 2010 7:59 am

Time heals all wounds, this old addage still stands true. I stopped when my son was 11 and asked me when this was going to stop. Your daughter has to see that you are sincere in your efforts at becomming sober. Yes you may have been funny and an easier parent, but was she happy? This phase of your recovery is the hardest, your whole personality is changing- booze is a crutch it makes you loose all inhibitions. Living without that crutch and becoming independent is hard but take my words worth it. Think about the time you spend wondering what did I say? did I do anything that will come back to haunt me.
Transition is going to be hard, use the program go to meetings, get a sponser that you can talk to. Your whole life is going to change but go slow, stay focused, hold onto the thought that things are going to get better.

I have been sober since October 17, 2004. My whole life has changed my son is getting ready to turn 18 in November and we have a great relationship. Good luck with your program, if your are tempted before you drink ask yourself is this worth it, reach out and as they say call some one.
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Re: teenage daughters

Unread postby Sissi0803 » Tue Sep 07, 2010 8:31 am

I know how you are feeling. I have a 17 year old daughter and we are not talking now due to my drinking. I have almost destroyed are relationship. I have shared parenting with my ex and she would not talk to me or text me back all weekend. That in turn made me drink worse and stayed in the condo all weekend with the blinds shut and drank. What a sad life I have now. I hope your situation gets better.
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Re: teenage daughters

Unread postby theresetiger » Mon Nov 01, 2010 8:28 pm

She will come back. It is normal for teenage daughters to be super angry at their parents even in they don't have a drinking problem. What better lesson/gift could you give her than recovering from your addiction? What's done is done, you can't go back and change anything. But you can make a change right now in yourself and be a whole person for her.
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Re: teenage daughters

Unread postby Mike D » Fri Nov 12, 2010 10:04 am

Growing up I had a "cool mom", I was hosting parties @ my house since I was 15. All my friends were always jealous because I was able to do anything! No curfew, no school, etc... Not surprisingly all that freedom eventually got me into all sorts of trouble. Fortunately I was able to turn things around for myself but looking back I wish my mom wasn't so "cool"! She is 64 now with the body of a 90 year old, she stopped drinking (for now) but the damage is done. She also lost something along the way and you can see it in her eyes, its as if she became the shell of a person. My mom / my friend became an object of pity instead of a role model, she went from fun to sad, her own grandchildren are scared of her! I tell you this story because I don't want you to sacrifice your future so that you daughter will like you today!
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