1 year clean & borderline hopeless

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1 year clean & borderline hopeless

Unread postby oliviagrace » Sun Aug 29, 2010 12:45 pm

Hello,

I just moved back from Southern California to PA after moving in with my boyfriend after he completed a 6 month treament program out there. I am in the program and will have a year clean September 4th (!!!!) - but this has been one of the hardest years I've ever had to face in my life (how ironic). I feel as if life is throwing one thing after another at me, and each day is a struggle. 2 months ago my boyfriend started using again and tried to hide it from me, but it was pertty obvious. I thought I could help him and get him on the right track but it just got so bad I couldn't physically be around him or stay in CA; it got to the point where I would either start using or leave and it was bringing me down every day, so I left and moved 3,000 back home with my parents. I, of course, still love him very much but he's working on himself right now as I'm focusing on my recovery. It's hard to see this all happen, and it breaks my heart because I know the pain he's going through. His mother realized he was lying about working, being clean, going to meetings, etc. and she said that he is a "worthless drug addict and it's all he'll ever be, so he is cut off from the family." She's a very selfish (I could use a few other choice words right now to describe her but I'm trying to be positive) person and it's hard to reason with her because she doesn't understand; she wants him to go back to the rehab where he finished his 6 month program or never talk to him again - he's willing to get help but just not on her terms. I don't know, I guess I'm just so worried and I don't know exactly what my point is, I'm just reaching out for any help/suggestions. He's selling all of our furniture and his car to make rent for the sober house he was in, and he has 6 days clean thankfully. I know we rushed into things by living together after we had finished rehab, but I thought since we were both clean and in the program we could make it work. My family and few, dear friends are very supportive (my family has a history with NA, so it's great that they understand) and I am very thankful for them - something that took me 9 years to realize. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and feel free to respond.

Love & Respect,
Olivia
oliviagrace
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Re: 1 year clean & borderline hopeless

Unread postby Shell » Sun Sep 19, 2010 6:36 pm

One of the suggestions that I was given was "not to get into a relationship the first year of recovery" and if you are already in a relationship (like marriage) don't get out of it the first year of recovery. The reason being we are getting to "know who we really are". It's hard to help someone get or stay clean when you, yourself, are trying to get or stay clean in early recovery. Building a stable foundation is important in early recovery and that is something that we have to do for ourselves individually. I believe that you did the right thing by detaching from the relationship when you did. You were smart enough to see that the relationship (at the time) was unhealthy for you. They say, keep your sobriety/recovery first. The first thing you put before your sobriety/recovery, is the second thing you loose. Because you will loose your sobriety/recovery first and what you put before it will be the next thing you loose. Hang in there, and keep your boyfriend in your prayers.
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Re: 1 year clean & borderline hopeless

Unread postby oliviagrace » Sun Sep 19, 2010 6:59 pm

Thank you so much for your thoughts. My boyfriend is now back in a sober house after detoxing, and he's really working the program. I know that we have to focus on ourselves before we can have a healthy relationship/life together, but it's just so hard sometimes. In the past I've had a lot of issues with my Higher Power, and lately I've been letting it go to God, praying (I've never prayed in my life!) and really trying to work the program; it's the greatest and one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life, but for the first time in my life I'm filled with hope. Thank you so much for your reply!
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Re: 1 year clean & borderline hopeless

Unread postby sober35 » Sun Sep 19, 2010 7:02 pm

oliviagrace wrote:Hello,

I just moved back from Southern California to PA after moving in with my boyfriend after he completed a 6 month treament program out there. I am in the program and will have a year clean September 4th (!!!!) - but this has been one of the hardest years I've ever had to face in my life (how ironic). I feel as if life is throwing one thing after another at me, and each day is a struggle. 2 months ago my boyfriend started using again and tried to hide it from me, but it was pertty obvious. I thought I could help him and get him on the right track but it just got so bad I couldn't physically be around him or stay in CA; it got to the point where I would either start using or leave and it was bringing me down every day, so I left and moved 3,000 back home with my parents. I, of course, still love him very much but he's working on himself right now as I'm focusing on my recovery. It's hard to see this all happen, and it breaks my heart because I know the pain he's going through. His mother realized he was lying about working, being clean, going to meetings, etc. and she said that he is a "worthless drug addict and it's all he'll ever be, so he is cut off from the family." She's a very selfish (I could use a few other choice words right now to describe her but I'm trying to be positive) person and it's hard to reason with her because she doesn't understand; she wants him to go back to the rehab where he finished his 6 month program or never talk to him again - he's willing to get help but just not on her terms. I don't know, I guess I'm just so worried and I don't know exactly what my point is, I'm just reaching out for any help/suggestions. He's selling all of our furniture and his car to make rent for the sober house he was in, and he has 6 days clean thankfully. I know we rushed into things by living together after we had finished rehab, but I thought since we were both clean and in the program we could make it work. My family and few, dear friends are very supportive (my family has a history with NA, so it's great that they understand) and I am very thankful for them - something that took me 9 years to realize. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and feel free to respond.

Love & Respect,
Olivia



A year clean is great and you are not borderline hopeless, I was told to wait a year before I got into a relationship as it takes the mind that long to start to clear up. Let him sell whatever and you just stay sober and stay put. If you start using again you have no chance. Go to meetings and talk and talk. Go to AA or NA meetings as the only difference between an addict and alcoholic is what they use, they end up in the same place with the same feelings etc. I have been sober and clean for 37 years and just yesterday had to put my 24 year son in detox soon to be followed by rehab as 4 duis in 6 months. It was like looking in a mirror but anyone can get and stay sober if they work at it. You will be ok.
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Re: 1 year clean & borderline hopeless

Unread postby oliviagrace » Mon Sep 20, 2010 4:54 pm

Thank you for your reply. I come from a family of addicts and alcoholics, half of whom are clean & sober while the other half are still doing what they're doing. It's nice to have their support. I'm trying to take it one day at a time and go to meetings, and I really realize that I can't change the past but I can make the future better with my choices and actions. Thank you so much for your thoughts.
oliviagrace
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Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 11:38 am


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