I am not new to knowing I’m an Alcoholic. I am new to seriously working the program. Some people don’t like AA, I can’t imagine living without the help.I fall of every week or two and it’s killing my hopes and my life. It is a circus I’m living in.Why, Why am I so damaged that I can’t be like a normal person and just stop? Why do I hate myself?How do I find the mental, emotional and physical strength to face this with courage and consistency? I need a break, some divine intervention. I want a life and to have self-respect back.
1 Comment to “An Alcoholics Circus”
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You CAN do it if you want it bad enough. When I first became sober, all I knew was that I drank too much and it got me into trouble. It didn’t occur to me “why” I drank. After my first few months of sobriety, it became quite clear “why” I drank all those years. I drank so I wouldn’t feel things like guilt, shame & remorse. Drinking anesthetised those feelings. When I became sober, I FELT EVERYTHING and there was no escape since alcohol wasn’t there to buffer all of those ugly feelings. Dealing with those feelings wasn’t easy but it gave me great insight into the reasons that I drank. AA gave me the tools i needed to figure out why I drank, where those negative feelings came from etc.
It’s not easy, It’s not pretty, It’s not graceful, but it’s worth it if you are willing.